I Envy You, Alan Rickman / Diary of Matthew Heick

Add New Entry

Password:

Diary

2024

18 November

09:43:56: Drove by that spot on 33 again between West Batavia and Corfu. Immediately felt sick to my stomach.

16 November

09:24:24: Zak: Am I gonna die? | Tyler: Yeah, you're gonna die, it's a matter of time. That ain't the question. The question's whether they're gonna have a good story to tell about you when you're gone. Now, don't be a bitch. Let's go. -The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019)

09:22:11: Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

3 November

20:30:28: "It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt, Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris, April 23, 1910

16:33:14: When I get a cat I'm going to name it "Dog Face"

2 November

05:34:04: Picking up Molly from work this morning on 104.7 played 3 songs in order: Mama, I’m Coming Home (Ozzy Osbourne), Down (311), and Nothing but a Good Time (Poison). First two definitely resembled our lives together, third really brought things into question 😀

30 October

21:05:36: Poo Poo Point, Washington 98027 to Pee Pee Creek, Pee Pee Township, OH 45690 to Pee Pee Island, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada is 78 hours, 4738 miles, as calculated by google.

21:04:56: 15 years ago I departed US to Hong Kong. The rest is history.

28 October

08:23:30: "Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90% of all your happiness or misery. Never deprive someone of hope; It might be all that they have. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them. Remember that 80% of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people. And lastly, don't expect life to be fair." - Henry Cavill's 80yr old friend

26 October

00:21:19: Everyone is jealous of what you've got, no one is jealous of how you got it. - Jimmy Carr.

24 October

15:07:25: Today Cara cartwheel through dog poop

23 October

02:46:16: Sometimes when you're in a dark place you think you've been buried but actually you've been planted.

19 October

11:06:39: Sunshine upon my face | A new song for me to sing | I tell this world how I feel inside | Even though it might cost me everything | Now that I know this all beyond my control | Cause I could never turn my back away | Now that I see you | I can never look away

01:43:50: You know what the best currency is? And I just thought about this yesterday. The best currency, the most valuable of all, is gratitude. And if... When you're dead, you're dead, but you're not quite so dead if you contribute something. - John Dunsworth as Jim Lahey

18 October

10:33:44: "Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth." -Dostoevsky

16 October

20:55:30: Moody described it as "a bit like negotiating one's way up a badger's arse." -British Airways Flight 009

15 October

10:08:56: Never use never or always in a sentence as they are absolutes, but you should always do what you say you're going to do.

14 October

10:18:11: Today I turn 43. Today is also an interesting day in that my oldest child Devon is exactly half my age. To put that in perspective when I was Devon's age as the age he is now I became a father as he entered this world. My father was twice my age on June 21, 2009. By that time I was already a successful high school dropout, an estranged father of 4, in and out of the family court system, working IT at an Engine Cooling Plant, and preparing to travel overseas to meet, date, marry and eventually divorce my second wife. The previous 21.5 years have put me on an unbelievable path that the first 21.5 years of my life could never have dreamed of. What's even more mind-blowing is that the longevity of the men in my family fate me another 21.5 years with ease, so I know the roller coaster is not over by a long shot. Happy Birthday to me at 43! -facebook

28 September

19:44:02: Had a cluster today from too much heat. Cara saw that I was in pain and got me water and told me to breathe. It was the first time she saw me cry.

23 September

08:21:33: I love how fall invigorates me so, from toe tip to hair follicle...

22 September

01:02:14: Functional alcoholic? Scary, easy, wouldn't walk in the dark again...

01:02:14: Functional alcoholic? Scary, easy, wouldn't walk in the dark again...

01:02:14: Functional alcoholic? Scary, easy, wouldn't walk in the dark again...

01:02:14: Functional alcoholic? Scary, easy, wouldn't walk in the dark again...

01:02:14: Functional alcoholic? Scary, easy, wouldn't walk in the dark again...

16 September

04:36:39: “You are young yet, my friend,” replied my host, “but the time will arrive when you will learn to judge for yourself of what is going on in the world, without trusting to the gossip of others. Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see." [The short story “The System of Dr. Tarr and Prof. Fether” by Edgar Allan Poe]

15 September

19:15:48: "Ten Chickens" are not the same as "Chicken Tenders" at Texas Roadhouse

14 September

07:40:16: Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born - a hundred million years - and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together. - Samuel Clemens

12 September

14:48:29: "Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam" - I shall either find a way or make one

29 August

07:57:50: "Cara, get your socks on or else I'm gonna find the receipt and return you to the store!" "You can't do that cause I'm a kid now"

27 August

16:56:31: The art on the hindquarters of a pony is called a "Trample Stamp"

10 August

10:45:21: "It's better to have one day as a pilot, than a lifetime as a baggage handler" - Richard "Beebo" Russell

23 July

20:21:47: John McFadden, PhD. CEO of Green Interchange, Nashville, Tennessee. Planted a million trees. "May the forest be with you."

18 July

20:32:16: Today I heard the word Police House for the first time today and shared it with everyone.

6 July

20:50:04: Woodville Fourth of July Fireworks: Biggest day of focus for the town.

3 July

20:56:57: Wizard of Oz done with Cara. She wasn't really paying attention but she didn't complain either. Side note: The wizard is from Kansas, too.

21 June

09:43:20: Sometimes there is not enough volume in the car when playing music to push the emotions out of me

18 June

21:31:47: Neverending Story with Cara done and done

17 June

22:09:51: Princess Bride with Cara in the bag.

16 June

02:51:38: la petit mort gives life, la mort takes life

26 May

14:29:47: Last night I made a boyfriend leave with the power of my fart. Huzzah!

20 May

11:03:54: Neighbor mowed my lawn and I have no idea why...

12 May

12:35:09: Cara, say the word Etiquette. "I am a kid"

5 May

18:27:01: "The greatest teacher, failure is. We are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters."

4 May

22:09:20: Do, or do not. There is no try. -Yoda

10:49:13: "Only a sith deals in absolutes." I'm a Sith. I'm a Gryffindor Sith!

1 May

07:05:39: Lieutenant-General Sir Adrian Paul Ghislain Carton de Wiart, how did you live life being such a bad-ass?

20 April

07:50:00: I'm so excited I've discovered I get a skin reaction from taking Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen at the same time!

15 April

17:12:27: "A history with wives. A book that every young man should read before doing the deed."

08:28:05: Today there exists 21-year-old and a 5-year-old and the only pain I feel at 42 is my left side.

12 April

19:44:01: "How do you put up with me?" "I think it's the sex." "Me too"

7 April

10:54:40: Home safe after beating the shit out of a doe on the interstate right after entering Ohio at 3am

5 April

22:38:33: When Tim kissed Courtney he vomited. This is the best first kiss story I ever heard.

21 March

10:38:48: Wicliff Fleurizard is the flower lizard

9 March

20:35:38: To make you feel my love, Garth Brooks, then the Cupid Shuffle

3 March

00:54:40: If it’s Boeing, ‘I ain’t going’

25 February

16:07:30: che cazzo is a bad, bad Italian wtf word...

21 February

15:27:44: Ratm - Darkness Of Greed. https://youtu.be/E4-xPddEWa4 . The "demo" that ended up being on the The Crow OST.

12:13:15: Comfort and Tea. https://michelle-moon.com/2016/06/13/comfort-and-tea/ . I cry so much reading about how other parents lose their children at such a young age, expecting in some way to become immune to it if it were to happen to me and then realizing that immunity is not bestowed in any way to me. I love my kids too much. To be a parent carries so much joy and so much weakness.

19 February

21:16:10: Office Space tonight with Kariah and Savannah ❤️

7 February

22:30:43: Today I dodged another bullet with work and a mass layoff. I also "invented" grilled cheese with bacon between the slices. It was amazing. Finally, I hired a lawyer to hopefully help with Child Support.

28 January

10:08:52: No, I don't want you to put anything near the house. What if there's a fire and you put a bush there?

25 January

08:28:31: "right, but...", and then I google "write butt" and find Shirimoji aka 尻文字 writing characters in the air with one's behind (by moving one's hips)

2023

29 December

23:52:54: "I think you did my miscarriage last year. You were great." - Molly in ER

24 December

23:20:13: Today I learned that at the end of National Lampoons Christmas Vacation that the Santa Claus that shows up from the sewer gas explosions that's caused by Uncle Louis' match is not really Santa Claus from the sewer but all of the failures that Clark has put out over the course of the film, including the Santa/Reindeer that he beat the crap out of when attempting to set up the actual mass Christmas light display.

23 December

14:56:12: I’m half human, so that 50% of me that’s stupid is 100% you. - Star Lord, Avengers: Infinity War

16 December

01:50:27: It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

30 November

08:22:58: You know what's automatic? "Good morning!" "Good morning. How are you?" "Good, you?" "Good."

27 November

08:30:29: "Scribble in the lines"

25 November

07:20:41: Spoken, PNW and Pacific Northwest have the same amount of syllables. There is no savings in speaking. "PN West" would be more efficient but doesn't sound as awesome.

6 November

09:00:44: Over the weekend I successfully completed three projects on this house. The first one was the doorbell, from installing the transformer to the ding box all the way to the bell. The second one was watching a stove get plugged into the outlet that I spent close to $250 between the wrongly measured length of 6/3 50 amp wire, the breaker, and the outlet. The third one was jerry-rigging a new fan into a really old bathroom fan box so that we can exhaust moist air from the downstairs bathroom. Overall, I'm fairly proud with myself and being able to accomplish all these, all while still killing fleas on both the cats.

2 November

21:47:50: An honorable defeat is better than a dishonest victory.

1 November

08:22:35: Today I was able to teach Cara the meaning of pockets when walking in the cold. Amazing to see a 5-year-old go from panic to peace with the sprinkle of necessary knowledge.

14 October

11:46:43: Today, turning 42, I wanted to sleep in but after doing so felt considerable aching. Age is just the number but health is not. Today is also the annular eclipse which is being streamed online from the NASA YouTube channel. Molly is at the gym getting tested by their complicated sensors and machinery. Cara and Kariah are at the Neris having some grandparent time. Over the last 24 hours I have caught up on two James Bond movies. I'm feeling good.

12 October

07:56:58: Yesterday I was in too many tears. This morning was one of the few days where I have been able to communicate with all the kids that have already access to a telephone. From frowns to upside downs, over the course of a good night's sleep

7 October

07:22:18: Walking all the way to the bus to get me to Buffalo. Realizing that conflict is what is killing me, but not willing to take it as far as Yes Man.

5 October

22:00:26: Finished the diary project, for now. Was able to start to get mein30 back into shape, which looks like nothing from the outside.

19:44:34: I should be able to finally use this after making a majority of changes, including making sure that when I post an entry that it is set to a time zone of my choosing. I'm not really worried about carriage returns or paragraphs at this point. I am liking the freedom of voice to text diary.

3 October

09:08:00: Feeling pretty good the last couple days. Walking by people and wishing them a good morning with a smile or holding doors open for people. It's really setting my mindset

2 October

08:24:00: In a town with no public garbage cans available for the public to use, I wonder if garbage cans alone helps encourage where homeless individuals will hang out.

08:22:00: Amish coming through town. Didn't expect it at all, but I'm not surprised.

08:15:00: Is it true that vodka doesn't leave an alcohol smell on your breath? While it will certainly leave less of a smell than most other alcoholic drinks, you can still smell the ethanol itself. Plus there's no hiding the smell of acetaldehyde once the alcohol is metabolised no matter what the drink was.

07:25:00: Walking by fancher chair in 50° fog and wondering what if our lungs needed to bring in smells as part of our daily diet. What if that's the thing that we keep not understanding and there is an actual smell diet that we have to do?

1 October

12:20:00: Today I start this project. I hope to be able to make this work so that I can update it as frequent as possible. ??


github source