here

k

sent files "frontal.png", "prettyface.png", "prettyface2.png", "sideveiw.png", "toosh.png"

I can suck it in now and see what I used to look like with no bra on lol

cool

my leg is looking pretty good. Not as flabby on the bottom and on the thighs and under arms I can see where the strech marks are getting so as you can tell i"m loosing weight. Be interesting to see where I"m at on the 22nd when I see dr Morse again

Got special k cereal, fruits, veggies, and slim fast shakes, and chuck. Chuck is awesome.

mmk, rawk on

looks like good progress

even my face is looking slimmer

backs not as strong as I'd like it to be, hoping the disc isn't out more or something cause if I over do it my legs shake and then I'm in trouble. Hoping to get the van in the next week or two.

mmk

I was just gonna say I'm proud of my bruises lol means I put in for a good fight. If Chelle is telling any truth in her vm to me I beat her ass good and hard for fucking with me. Not desireable behavior but no skanky ass drunk cunt is gonna come in my house and get in my face and throw fists at me and get away with it.

mmk

awww come on aren't you a little proud I defended myself appropriately and kicked ass, other than yours?

yes

i'm in a heroic now...prolly be 40m

its ok, i'm fixing to go to bed soon anyways hon

just keep me posted on what you're doing. Tomorrow I'll probably start painting the bathroom normal colors after my work out.

nite

Your mom gave the letters I wrote to them this morning and Jamie ripped mine up lol

lol

titties!

lol

well?

sorry on the phone, lemme close the blinds so I can put the cam on

nommies!

o.O!

nom nom

oh mmmm

awwwww

50% min nekked is mandatory

gimme a sec almost done on the phone

pfft face too

i like your face

yay!

about time!

o.O

make me wanna have a

you're brother is an ID10T. He fixed my moms computer one time and told her the oem disc was trashed. She told me why it wouldn't work, the sleeve it came in, stuck to the disc. All it needed was cleaning. My stupid ass never checked the disc when it kept telling me files were missing or damaged.

epic fail.

The disc was 't

the disc was 'trashed' with sticky glue. Came off and now the disc is in near perfect condition.

*facepalm*

and for the record, the reason I can afford the phone is because I paid my share of the rent/mortgage, the rest is up to you and lisa, and none of the other bills i"m responsible for are due until NEXT month and if you aren't paying the mortgage and lot rent this month, then I'll just have more money next month to find us another place to live next month

In the mean time i'm making it look nice for when you get here

my mom painted the bathroom seven different colors and they think I have a personality disorder?

Gonna find food, and then see ya in wow

so much for food n wow. Lisa came to get shit.

Says she's only going 'till michelle leaves' but is paying 175 a week to stay there, her 700 dollar check isn't going to stay very long at that rate, and she took so much stuff it looked like she wasn't coming back for much any time soon.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFFFFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

remember my rabbit dildo?

yah

yeah, its been missing a year, I just found it packing your aunts stuff. I'm so going to puke some more now.

yikes

yeah that's fucking nasty. Who the hell steals used sex toys. There's no way in hell I would have given her a 100 dollar fucking toy. some of the cheap ones I had, that I never used, sure, but not one that expensive.

so all her shits going in the blue room, we can be opposite ends of the house

mmk

otherwise you can help me move her crap to the curb at the end of the month and take the smallest room if you prefer being closer

hmm

or whatever I guess lol

staying up much longer to play wow? I'm still working on sanitizing the bed and sheets

yup, lookin' for a Gnome

k

drugs n then getting on

found all the blankets my mom had, on lisas bed. thats what I'm washing

o.O!

wanna do me a favor?

kk

make a gnome warlock, and let me throw rose petals on ya

kk

Heater won't stay on so i'm freezing, either its that damned cold out or I gotta change the battery in the thermostat. Getting on Wow now

SavvyLee is the Gnome locks name

where you at?

Gnomeran, its an ally

omw

been waitin' for 2 hours

Trying to figure out how to get out of the train deepot lmao

you down in gnom?

crap, i died

i am reaaaaaaaaaaallly far away now

are you IN gnomerrang?

in the train depot, its a new starting spot

your map says your in Dun Morogh?

in Gnomeregan

Dun Morogh, but minimap says train depot trying to get outside somewhere

mmk

omw

does your map put you in Gnomeregan?

can't find the way out. No, i looked at it actually says Dun Morogh, but the rest is blank since i'm a level one lock minimap just says train depot

top left

top right

can't find a way out, which I'm sure there is one, just gotta find it

bottom left

bottom right?

minimap is top right

or big map:

big map puts me upper left

mmk, lemme see where

hahaha

just stay there

it's all in orcish

and you speak in common

yeah lol

can I delette savvylee now?

yay!

yah

lol

I'd much rahter make a new toon on horde and name her savvy lee

speaking of the little one she is a bigger bitch than her momma XD

then do it

kill me first

with one hit

lmao

i can't

awwwww

can't kill lvl's 1-20

or anyone in home territory

unfair advantage. I still have my DK to work on too ya know

She's in the guild

yup, i know

did i tell you about the letters I sent the kids and what jamie did with his?

yup

been so busy today i forgot lol

Nannah is crazy jealous of AJ and her grampy. At christmas when they came over, aj fell asleep on waynes shoulder and she walked over to nessa and goes "Aunt nessa! My grampy! all frowny. She gave brian and wayne hell the other night cause she told bri aj was at home in bed so she could snuggle with her grampy,and they teased her adn said they were gonna go get aj so grampa could rock him to sleep lmao

you told me this already

oh...damn, I"m sorry, I've done so much today I really totally forgot telling you. Like usually you tell me I've told you and I remember and this time I completely don't.

wanna know what I HAVE done today?

you worked with chuck and cleaned

I worked with chuck, and notice improvement, which is good. I"m getting strength, need to work on upper body more, but my thighs are getting stronger again, and my back too. But I started painting in the bathroom, cause my mom had seven or eight colors in there. Stabbed my finger opening caulk cause i can't afford joint compound this month and needed to fill a crack, gonna see how it works, if not scrape it off and just leave it un painted there for now. But the one wall, I painted a deep cherry red, painting the rest of them white, with an off white tone for the trim, Just doing the one wall says "bam' color, but doing all of them would make a smal bathroom smaller. Fixing all my moms weird accent painting too while i"m at it. Then I moved ALLL ove lisa's stuff (which wasn't much she took most of her clothes for a "few days stay till michelle leaves' and her important papers, and then cleaned her room, doing sheets and blankest now. Learned she's been treated for scitzo tendancies too. , plus I gave food away to people who needed it, found out eddy has bladder cancer (and lisa and chelle are sucking up all his time ) and! Fixed moms computer. Your brother is fired.

He told mom the oem disc was bad when it just needed cleaned

Since I've been alone and not had people dragging me down, I'm back to betty crocker mode. Tomorrow I find out about volunteering for the headstart/community action place. Give back to those who've given to me, and get me out of the house till dad gives the van or I can afford a car and can go back to work. If you want me to...

and before I continue to drive you crazy I just had one question. What's your need for my bowing down and submitting. You shooting for the life style, or just need to prove dominance over me for a period of time while I warm my way back into your heart being...acceptable as a sig. other? (cause normal doesn't fit here)

your answer isn't going to change my mind to bow and submit, just curious.

wtf

sorry....I didn't get my meds till late and i"ve had no one to talk to all day so it kinda came out all at once. I feel like i've had twenty cups of coffee or something.

I just have lots of time to think, and I got curious lol

mmk

just not going to answer my question then? I mean if you don't want to you can say so...

what question?

What's your need for my bowing down and submitting?

Is it because you want the lifestyle, or do you need to prove dominance over me for a perido fo time while I warm my way back into your heart, being an acceptable signifigant other?

sure

so is it both?

yes

ok

did you skip the half rent cause of the questionability of your coming?

yup

well, your questionability

ok.

I"m ready to bow down and submit, I just don't know if I can make up the loss of rent without a vehicle and job, so that's why I was asking.

yeah, after my share of the rent is deducted (mind you this was on the basis lisa was staying, and now I know if she thinks she's staying she'll come back broke having supported chelle, still don't think she is tho ugh) I"ll have 85 bucks, barely enough to get me around if I can't get ahold of eddy.

But at least I won't be over drawn

mmk

You fixing to go to bed?

sometime

might jump into wow for another hour

cool, I"m gonna play for a while before crashing. Gotta be up semi early though, meet comm. action, at noon.

am I bothering you?

yah

it's ok, i solved it

oh

I just thought we were on talking terms. I"m sorry for talking too much

said i solved it =/

I'm getting paranoid I guess. you're so quiet. If you didn't wanna talk I wish you'd have said so.

goin to sleep

night

Good night.

I'm sorry.

for what?

now i'm staying awake to find out why you apologized

for making you upset for talking too much

ok, lemme look back in the convo to find out where i was upset

dont' see it.

where is it at?

Its not always in what you say love, sometimes its in the one liners and 'I solved it" that makes me feel as though I've upset you.

Sometimes its just a feeling I get

but you said you made me upset

I feel like because I talk too mucch I did and that's why you're getting off line and going to bed.

False ... for ... true...

doesn't make it true

doesn't make it false either

going to sleep now

nite

night

wanted to sleep one more hour to call it an even five hours but of course the alcoholic doc finally called me back. pffft.

sent file "hairdown.png"

There's me with my hair down

now off I go to give back to Batavia

you no wanna see me with my hairs down?

here i thought it was my phone blurbing and it was skype lol

stupid number porting. should have been done by now and it's taken all day and now I can't use either of my phones.

If I seem un sure about things, its not that I want to back out. Its more that I don't know what to expect. I know the basic requirements of bowing down and submitting, that's not my issue, its more, you've been gone for a year, you're a different person now, as am I, and its almost like dating all over again without the typical first date and getting to know eachother. One one had, its exciting, on the other, I'm a bit nervous. That and I never know what to talk to you about anymore, which we talked about before so I won't go on about it.

I also need you to understand me going to therepy isn't about playing by the courts rules anymore. I've learned how to deal with current crisies and pull through them without panicking, But there's a lot of bad from when i was kid that was never dealt with that I'm starting to find impacts my responses to normal every day things, and I need to deal with that. And whether I like the lable or not, I'm an alcoholic. I can't drink, it causes too much trouble, and I have to learn how to stay away from that too. That being said, its not just for me, its for our kids too. THey deserve better than what my parents gave me.

And if it's causing problems I'm sorry, its not coming by my request, but I think your aunt Lisa may be contacting freedom through facebook and I don't know what she's saying, but I just hope its not giving you problems there. Its just something she said last night while she was here that gave me that feeling.

89 bucks has been aplied to the lot rent.

I've done everything you asked for. Bowed down and submitted, why not come now?

I know you're up, you just sent me the text. What did I do wrong this time?

i heard from the grapevine that people here know my plans, so it makes my escape harder to do

where are you going to speak to me through?

if it's wow, your gonna help me get achieves

fine

fine what?

the hell?

We'll talk in WoW and I'll help you get acheives

i'm not in wow now

watching colbert report

I didn't tell anyone you were coming

yes, i was told all the plans, basically

Everyone thought you weren't because I was forced.

they know i was leaving to go to rochester

and that i was looking for a place

and today, it's like "oh, your going to live with jen!"

I didn't tell anyone. I told everyone you weren't allowed to come because you refused to change the order of protection.

Your aunt told me the other day she's been talking to freedom

this is how she's going to get back at me for the thing with michelle and 'kicking' her out.

So why do I have to be punished because your psycho aunt is lying to freedom to get back at me?

wtf are you talking about

i said i was delayed

No you said you had to think more, and that usually means you're changing your mind.

So why am I being punished now? I didn't tell anyone, your aunt is spreading lies to make me pay for her bad choices.

and it's not like they couldnt' have figured it out anyways matthew, rochester is not that far from here, and your kids.

You could have point blank said no I can't go live with jen, there's an order of protection, I'm going to rochester to look for work so I can be near my kids"

so why do you have to think more?

yes, i told people the reason was my kids

so then where did it come out that you were coming to live with me?

Because I didn't tell anyone.

it's quite curious when one can "hypothetically" explain the scenario we've been speaking of

in one fell swoop

It had to have been lisa. She was the only who knew anything, and when she was here last she told me she'd been talking to freedom, so it's quite curious that she'd know that isn't it, especially after I had a fight with lisa's 'daughter' and lisa has chosen to move out and not pay rent, and knows she's going to be evicted here.

So I didn't tell anyone other than lisa, which you KNEW anyways because we'd been talking about it and her moving out.

She's the only one who wouldn't have known that I'd been telling everyone else that since you won't change the order of protection you won't come, because that happened after she left the house, and she made a point to tell me the other day when she cam to get her things, that freedom was in the hospital and definitely not fucking you.

hmm, yah, and i didn't want lisa to know from the start of it all

YOU knew that lisa had to know because she lived here. YOU've known that all along, because she was living here, and would have had to know eventually. You never once told me not to tell her anything because of the fact that she was living here and would have known anywyas.

so why am I being punished now because lisa is being a vindictive bitch.

and for your failure to at any time until now say you didn't want lisa to know.

pfft, your not a vindictive bitch as well?

sure I am, but I haven't told anyone that you were coming or what our plans were other than lisa, lisa made a POINT to tell me she's talking to freedom, and she was the ONLY one who knew. I haven't bothered freedom since the night I told her to stop sending me text messages and Wendy stuck her fat assed nose into it.

and WHY do you type me BOOKS!

and michelle knows too

and mom knows too, but she's thrown off course, but she knew from the start when i didn't want her to know

If Michelle knows it was because of lisa, and your mom yes I told her because she is not the enemy you keep making her out to be.

You didn't want her to know and now i"m lying to her for your benefit which I HATE>

mmk, here...relax

http://camfuze.com/pages/Female

I can't relax now, you go back and fourth so much I feel like it's a set up to bail on me. I"m already going to loose the house because you haven't made the payments. And neither has lisa. What more do you want from me?

what can i do?

what can i do jennifer?

i'm backed up against the wall

i don't want you to go to jail

what can i do?

i ask you to keep things quiet to prevent things in the future from happening

what can i do?

what can i do jennifer?

i keep my secrets secret cause it's none of the worlds business

its not their business

what can i do jennifer?

what can i do?

you could have had the order changed so I wouldn't go to jail, but you didn't want that, you wanted to keep me in that position, and for what?

i don't like court jennifer, you know that

Further more, why do you care so fucking much what the world thinks of your choices?

and explaining all that stuff to a judge after the record shows the opposite is just downright crazy

what can i do jennifer?

what can i do?

jennifer, allow me to allow you to understand

right now, i don't care about the world

jennifer, what should i do?

if i'm going to get back "into the world"

jennifer

what do you care about then matthew?

then i need to care

but i can't not care about caring when its obvious people want me not to care about caring

jennifer, what do i do?

get your ass on a bus tomorrow and throw everyone off by just dissapearing. Tell em you're going back to Hong Kong cause you can't do anything here without people talking.

i can't go back to hong kong jennifer

i didn't come from hong kong

do you realize your mother reads your mail?

see jennifer

this is just crazy, because everything is terribly complicated

and at the same time, it's not

do you realize that what you tell people and what you do are two different things

actually, jennifer, it's more than 2 different things

it's almost 10 different things

jennifer, what do i do?

so if you tell them you're going back to hong kong how are they going to know its not true?

because only 2 people will know that is true now jennifer

and everyone knows i'm back in the states, i made that abundantly clear

what do i do?

jennifer, tell me, what do i do?

you get on the six am bus, and if you're asked where you're going you say to buffalo to get on an airplane and going back to hong kong because everyone here runs their mouths and you can't stand it.

i can't do that jennifer

why?

i don't have the cash for the bus ticket, and all my stuff is waiting in a storage area

i'm not allowed to get it until next sunday

why don't you have cash for a bus ticket?

jennifer, what do i do?

jennifer, i have no cash

what happened to it all?

it all?

you had cash last month, you paid several bills to help out, you said you had more coming, you said you can't get your money till next sunday what's that all about?

yes, then i bought a 10-yr COD with my remaining balance

and i was hoping to get my next deposit until someone went rogue

and they'll be rogue for upwards to 4 weeks

jennifer, what do i do?

what do i do, jennifer?

jennifer?!?!!??!

borrow twenty bucks from the leeches you live off from?

i cannot borrow money from people when i already owe them money

what do i do jennifer?

jennifer, what do i do?

do you see jennifer?

that i am going to need time to sort my details since you've helped open this bag of worms?

no I don't, because I didn't open a bag of worms, your aunt did.

you yourself requested that I share more information w/ you

and that information that i firstly did not want to share has once again bit me in the ass

so jennifer, what do i do?

you know all you need to know cause you wanted to know it, so what do i do?

jennifer, i need an answer, cause your freaking out over me needing more time beyond the 14th

call your mom and tell her the're going to kick you out down there, and you need her to deposit money into your account.

jennifer, i need an answer

what do i do

^

she doesnt' pick up her phone when i call her

i've tried 3 times

how do you think you have my cell number

jennifer, what do i do?

She's mad at you because she thinks you've given up on the kids.

jennifer, that doesn't help me

She's mad at you because you haven't supported them or seen them.

i can't talk to her when she's not on skype and doesnt pick up her phone

jennifer, what do i do?

what do i do jennifer?

send her a text saying you fucked up and you need to talk to her

she hardly runs skype anymore her laptop is shit.

jennifer, it's been 12 minutes, and you haven't been able to provide me a solid gameplan after helping me fuck this up

can you stop freaking out, now?

I have, its you who has fucked up.

and let ME think?

I can deposit the bus money into the bank tomorrow.

that doesn't help my situation

but I need to know which freaking bank your using now.

yes it does. You use the money to buy a ticket and just leave

if i were to take a bus tomorrow, then it would be only me

no laptops, no clothes

you dont' owe anyone any explination

nothing

why can't you take your laptop and clothes?

jennifer, i thought you were paying attention

what are you on right now?

what have you been wearing the last month or two?

really jennifer, how am i supposed to carry 2 laptops without carrying cases?

and i've been wearing the same clothes the last 2 weeks

how did you get it there in the first place?

i had it placed there when i got here because you said there isn't any room for me here anyways

i elected to have all my extra stuff that i brought stored to make room

how do you think jennifer?

what kind of question is that when the answer was provided prior to the initial question, and any followups are just plain common sense?

what should i do jennifer?

it's going on almost 20 minutes jennifer

jennifer, what should i do?

do you see why your lies are getting you into trouble, when if you were just honest with your mom she'd be down there tomorrow to pick you up if you were goign to be co operative?

jennifer, my lies were my lies until you chose to be a part of them

She'd pay to get everything out of storage

you chose to make me a part of them

jennifer, you asked

you asked me to carry them on for you

after i strongly was against it

jennifer, you threatened me to share my lies with you

I did no such thing.

jennifer, you threatened to not provide me a place to stay unless i started telling you stuff

that is a threat, jennifer

a threat to my survival

in fact, jennifer, i have 3 ultimatiums from you in the last 7 days about that

that's not a threat matthew, that's a fact of life.

not to mention the fact if you were not so insistent on going against the rules and the courts and what's in the best interests of our kids you'd have two other places to stay up here.

YOU choose not to follow those paths.

jennifer, i took your fact of life as a threat

that threat is what keeps me warm and safe

jennifer ,what should i do?

you need to answer this question

cause you want to think for me

cause if you don't you'll freak out

and i don't want you to freak out

jennifer, what should i do?

Stop trying to buck the system you hate so much.

wtf is bucking the system

If I have learned anything in the last week, I have learned that although I may hate the rules and laws and what goes on with law enforcement and courts, I have learned that when you do what is asked or ordered of you, you get what you want.

You have gotten yourself in this position by trying to buck the system, go around it, avoid having to deal with it.

And I dont' just mean the court

I mean your mother too.

Your mother flat out told me that if you were to come it wouldn't be her that would call the cops, she was more afraid it would be lisa.

Your mother wants you to come here, and work things out for the kids and gave a solution to our problem, but you refuse to have anything to do with her because you're angry at her for whatever reason, and because you hate the courts.

I know for a fact your mother can be a lying bitch when she needs to be. But I also know that all she wants is to give us back our kids, and is so desperate to do that she'll do anything to help us get them back, including going to Jamestown to bail you out and get you up here, and TESTIFY on my behalf to a judge in jamestown that i've changed and that WE need the order changed because our kids need us to be able ot operate together.

And she offered to do that under the understanding that YOU weren't coming here now because I refused to let you because of you not wanting to change the order.

So if you want me to tell you what to do, stop lying to yourself. The only way we're ever going to get the kids back, is to do what you loathe, follow court orders. If you want out, Call your mom and tell her you really need to talk to her because you're ready to work WITH her to get the kids back, and not be so secrative. If she doesn't answer, do what vanessa does, keep calling until she picks up.

Stop trying to avoid what is eventually going to have to come in order for us to get the kids back, you're going to have to give up a little bit of control whether you like it or not. After everything my mom has done to yours, yours is still willing to put my moms stuff in storage until she gets out of rehab and pay for it so my mom doesn't loose all her stuff. Not something someone who is against the world typically does. If I called her tomorrow and said you needed bailed out, she'd come down and pick you up.

She'd put money in the bank.

have you got it yet?

your avoidance of the system you hate, and games with your mother and with me has fucked you over royally.

So when you're ready to put the big boy pants on, let me know. If I have to I'll call your mother and tell her to come get you.

jennifer

And don't tell me you haven't been in Hong Kong for awhile, Your mother reads every single one of your bank statements and knows exactly where you are.

no solution, sorry

its no soution you want to hear that's the problem.

It's not that there is NO solution

Tell me which bank to make a deposit to, and as soon as I have the van we can get your shit out of storage, and I can get you clothes in the mean time.

there's your solution.

i do not have access to storage

i have no local bank

your drawing at straws

you have several local banks, your mail goes to your mothers house remember?

otherwise you wouldn't have been able to pay the bills over the phone with a credit card.

as for the storage, you wait till whomever went rouge comes un rogue. I'll help you replace stuff in the mean time.

you can carry the laptops in plastic bags on the bus. It'll suck but it would work.

no i cannot

why not?

and if you truly have no bank I can western union it.

I think you're running out of excuses other than to say you just plain don't want to do anything because it's not being done your way.

who's way is it supposed to be done by?

your way?

if we were going to be in it together, it could be our way. I understand you want it your way, but life doesn't always allow for that. Maybe that's why all this is happening, life is trying to smack you up side the head and say this isn't mcdonalds you can't have it your way all the time.

so, it's your way?

why can't it be my way for a change?

why can't you trust me when i say your mother is not the enemy, that she wants to see us get our kids back, and if I called her tomorrow and said you were ready to play by the rules, but needed help getting out of Jamestown, she'd be there and talk to you? And that she's willing to help us make it so I don't go to jail if you come here.

All she wants is for us to get our kids back by june or july.

so she can be gramma

even if you don't stay here long and we go our seperate ways we have to learn how to co parent.

So really, why can't we try my way for change since your way keeps getting screwed up or hasn't worked in the past?

wow, things changed alot in 48 hours

from "i'll do whatever you want" to "it's my way"

I"m not demanding anything, I'll do whatever you want, but you asked for my help....

i didn't have that in my thought process for the week

now i do, thanks

actually, i didn't

i told you i would neeed time

you asked for a solution I gave you one.

and you freaked out and started your shit again

You could be here tomorrow.

I didn't start anything, you didn't ask for more time, you said you had to re think it.

Like you weren't coming.

yes, i had to rethink things

Either you are or you aren't, but you need to make up your mind, because our kids aren't waiting forever you know, and in the end they're what matters most.

what makes me most frustrated about all of this is they're the last thing you seem to be thinking of. Every opportunity to make this easy has been laid out in front of you, and you throw it down as a viable solution because its not the way you want it, when the way you want it shouldn't be what matters. What should matter is the way that benefits our kids most.

You living in Jamestown, wearing the same clothes for weeks on end, unable to survive or have what you need, much less be able to see them, or provide for them most certantly isnt' benefiting them.

Where are they in all this?

how many movies have you watched

or books that you've read

You're making choices off of assumptions?

where the wife is the #1 communication to the husbands personal business

dunno too many to count.

really..that just sucks

ends with all happy bliss, too?

why do you need to hide everything you do? Why are you so distrustful of the world?

because i know my world

don't you know your world?

most movies and books do, they're not there to piss you off or upset you.

would you let anybody just come into your house?

really?

yes I do. And no I wouldn't.

just anybody walk in, treat it like their own

You mis understood

cause that's what i'm getting at

my "world", my "house"

the only thing i have to my name

I said "Yes I know my own world" and "no I wouldn't let anyone walk in and treat it like their own"

You created that world.

You chose that path.

and i'm comfortable in it, thanks

and every time

EVERY TIME

i choose to let you in

*splat*

that's the sound the door makes on my ass kicking me out of it again

I'm not kicking you out.

I'm trying to let you in, but you're so afraid to let it happen, so afraid to feel anything, you're standing in the doorway refusing to come in.

right, you do kick me out

when mom knew, that was your pinky toe

then when lisa knew, that was the big toe

and it's become the whole sole of the foot

it happens every time

it's-a-pattern

I told you lisa had to know, and you okay'd that.

Its a pattern you've created.

yes, i had really no choice

not I.

No you have plenty of choices

you choose not to take any of them because for some reason in the last three years you have decided the world is your enemy, and only you can be in your club house.

YOU have created that. No one else but YOU.

lol sorry

No one else but yOU.

I have not kicked you out.

You just can't stand to look in the mirror and see the truth in who's behind the face of Matthew James Heick. And that denial keeps everyone out, including me.

But worst of all, your children, who have nothing to do with hurting you.

my children are in my world

and THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND ME

stop bringing them into it

You have become so distrustful of the real world that you won't even let your kids into your world because you refuse to do what's asked of you and co operate with the system that saved them from a life of being bounced from foster home to fosther home, never knowing who they're living with, and being another set of statistics, and beign split up.

They're a part of this matthew, they're a part of us.

They're the reason you wanted to be here are they not?

in this conversation, children stay out

always stay out

The problem then as I percieve it is that you are completely unwilling to live your life in any manner in which it cannot be your way all the time. Which is never going to happen, because even without me in it, there are always going to be outside forces that change things as you want it. You can complain I told Lisa all you want, but you knew all along she knew, you okay'd that she knew because I told you when this whole topic started she HAD to know because at the time SHE LIVED here.

This is one of those times where outside forces has changed things and taken the control over your world out of your hands. So you have to change it, change it. But don't punish me, or our kids because your poor choices are kicking you in the ass.

Because I don't punish them because my poor choices are kicking me in mine. You can be angry all you want at your mother for having them, but she's not to blame.

The courst arent' to blame either, they've been blessed with a hard ass judge who truly and genuinely cares about what's best for them, not what's going to make us happy, your mother included. And so far everything he's done has been good for the kids. And so far everything your mother and her husband has done, has been great for our kids. Our kids are brilliant, individual, fun to be around popular kids, and have everything in the world they could ever want. And they have never been told we don't love them.

Take all the time you want, you'll always have a place to stay with me, but at this point, I can't say it's going to be in this trailer because I can't afford to keep it. You were the deal sealer on that, and you pulled out so now in order to keep my ass warm and safe, I'm going to have to move. If you don't want to take my money and come here this week, then that's your choice. But I refuse to let your choices put me out in the street.

i'm not going to talk to you about the kids

anything else, sure, kids no

what do you have against them?

against talking about them?

thats talking about them

well I"m sorry you feel that way.

Did you expect to move here and not talk about them?

yes

for awhile

cause i would've had YOU to get used to first

did you expect me to take down all their photos too?

no, that's not talking about them

WILL YOU STOP!

Just asking. Cause they're everything to me. There isn't many places in this trailer you can go without seeing their faces or their letters to me.

that's fine, don't wanna talk about it

So I guess my final word on all this is good night cause if you refuse to help yourself, then there is nothing mroe I can do for you.

time

If you don't want anyone in your world, then there is nothing more I can do for you.

I don't have time to wait for you to get here, I don't have time to wait for you to pay the bills, I don't have time for you to get over whatever it is you have against the world, and neither do our kids. You want time, take all the time you want, but i'm moving forward with the kids. I'm going to have to find another place to live because I have no money to pay the rent and i'm going to get kicked out in the cold

so the ONE thing you didn't want to have happen, is going to happen, because you can't live in a world where you can't have your way 100% of the time.

And don't you dare tell me this is a threat because it's not, its cold hard fact.

Your children's mother is going to be homeless because your psychotic aunt opened her big fat mouth to get back at me for defending myself against her psychotic step daughter who tried to walk into MY home MY safe place and do whatever they felt like.

Take all the god damned time you want, because I could have been sleeping for the last two and a half hours, instead of sitting here trying to help someone who wants no help because he's a stubborn, angry man who needs someone to blame for his fuck ups and no one else will take the blame anymore.

um, hello, they are my fuckups

go to sleep

masturbate

do something

Like what? I have nothing else to do now but sit here and think aobut how i was willing to give you my last thirty bucks to get here and you won't even take that because you can't have life on your terms all the time, and its not going to get me a place to live in a month when I get evicted for not paying the rent and my house is foreclosed on, and I have no place to go.

Literally no place to go. I needed you as much as you needed me

so you're not the only one who feels like their warmth and wellbeing is being threatened.

In fact you point blank put it in a threat, don't bow down and submit, or don't have me.

you're the only thing I have left to hang on to for housing for help paying the bills till I can get a car and do it on my own and you're pulling it out from underneath me because your family is psycho.

fine, just go to sleep

and wake up

and then what? sit here and figure out how to find boxes because I have to put everything into storage now?

Think they'll let me live there?

so now its yoru turn, you tell me what I'm supposed to do?

How can I guarantee you have a place to stay when I can't even keep a roof over my own head because your psycho aunt opened her psycho mouth and leaked your plans.

What do I do matthew?

Where do I go Matthew?

Well what do I do?

huh

well its your turn to answer my questions now, what do I do since i'm going to be homeless now since you can't pay your half the rent, and I'm going to be evicted. And if you have no cash, how are you affording breakfast?

So what do I do matthew? Where do I go? Who do I live with? How do I do this? What do I do Matthew?

What do I do?

do you see yet matthew?

this is a real problem for me too and obviously i wouldn't have frivioulsly opened my mouth to anyone obecause without you here, I have nothing, no home, no place to put my things, and no place to put the cats.

I'll end up in a shelter like the cats in either rochester or buffalo, which do you reccomend you ever lived in either?

so what do I do? tell me please you have all the answers, what am I supposed to do now?

Well? WHat should I do now that i"ve slept and still have no place to live or go?

whew. Just walked two miles home. These are the times that I appreciate not being able to feel things from the waist down

Done being moody?

no? That's too bad

sour puss

wtf

?

I can't tell you you're moody and a sour puss and get over the panic you set me in this morning?

wtf

it wasn't panic, it was fact

mmmk

w/e

when you make up your mind, let me know. If I still have the trailer I'll let you know. If not I am allowed to shoot for a two bedroom and take in a roommate with depaul if I so choose, by myself, rent max is 662 of which I'd pay 177. Dunno what it'd be for two people.

who knows i may have a car by the time you make up your mind

I keep dozing off at the lappy. Gonna try to sleep. feel free to wake me up at three am again with your insecure nonesense

Text your mom your number again she lost it and she'll call you. She doesn't answer calls that come up private or restricted that's why she hasn't been answering. I ONLY told her that lisa has been talking to freedom and started problems on that end for you and that you got mad at me for blabbing my mouth and had been trying to call her, but she wasn't taking your calls.

Here's your rescue line, take it.

and just so YOU know, your mom knows us well enough that we can lie to her face and say we're not going to live together, she knows we will anyways, so don't get mad at me if it comes up, because even when I lie to her she knows that I can't say no to you forever.

She just wants to help us get the kids back, so please, don't hate her for our choices too.

God I loose more weight I'm going to have to buy new clothes. My boobs are starting to hang out of my shirts now that I don't have all that fat to hold it up

are you awake?

whats up

text your mom

she's buggin me about needing to talk to you

she won't answer your calls if your number doesn't show when you call

sent you a msg earlier, didn't know if you were blowing me off cause we're trying to help you, or if you were sleeping/busy/ whatevering.

very busy ty

But yeah, she called me like five minutes ago saying you haven't gotten ahold of her so like...you should. Either that she'll probabbly find wherever it was she saved your number when you sent her a text before and call you

why are you fighting us so hard?

what do you mean?

you say you want to 'give chances" and be with the kids and whatever but whenever your mom and I offer to help you do that, you get pissy and push us away or fight us. I mean I get that your world was shattered or whatever in the last ten years and you trust no one but sooner or later you gotta let someone in if you're going to be the daddy we know you are who loves the hell outta his kids.

i'm not talking about the kids with you

I don't care, I just don't understand why you won't accept help from anyone to attain your goals

don't need help, thx

why are you fighting it so hard?

two days ago you did. Couldn't leave because lisa snitched to freedom our plans, couldn't leave cause you had no money, can't get to your stuff, ccan't get here.

Your mom will come get you, and if you blow her off and she thinks you're having trouble you know she'll drive her ass down there and find you if she wants to. All she wants to do is whatever it takes to put you back in the kids' lives, and I don't understand why you're fighting it so hard, and insist on carrying out this vendetta or vengance that she has them.

You're a human being, we all make mistakes, so is she. Is your ego really so swollen you can't accept that and let it go? It was six years ago.

nope, no swollen ego

nothing swollen at all

then what's you're issue with your mom?

why do you refuse to work with her to get the kids back?

Why do you hold a grudge against your mom?

i don't

then what the hell is your problem with coming out here?

what do you mean?

you don't want to come stay with me because I talk too much, you're delayed because of money, and your things. Your mom wants to help you and you refuse to take any help when you know she would do whatever you need to get you up here. For any reason. Even if it was just to come fuck me and leave she would still do it. You're her son, she's your mom, that's the natural way of that relationship. So what is your problem taking a call from your mom and having her come get you, bring you up here, and staying here, with her or with brian till you could either settle here, or in your own place?

Or having her help you get your things from storage when you can get them, or help you get clothes until you can get them

why are you so unflexable?

cause

so stubborn.

That's why I say your ego is swollen, it has to be your way or no way and the world just doesn't work that way. It does not revolve around you. And if you keep that attitude you're going to be away from our kids for a very long time. And I don't feel sorry for you for that, I feel sorry for them for that because they're the ones loosing out on their daddy. Someone who loves them very much but is too stubborn for his own damned good, and is throwing his life with them away because he wants it his way or no way. Even they know better than to place those expectations on the world.

nope, no swollen ego

then what do you want to call it?

Six months ago you were preaching to me the value of compassion and generousity. You got frustrated because of my negative attitude on everything. And I did have a negative attitude on everything. Seems now the roles have switched. You've forgotten abotu compassion and generousity. About giving before recieving, and having compassion to forgive others for the things they've done wrong, to you or to others. And here I am, willing to let go of ten years of negativity, not place fault or blame, and accept fault and blame, and showing compassion for those in need by giving and giving and giving. I've given so much in the last three months I got a thank you card and couldnt' even remember who it was or what it was I did. I had to really think to remember. I've started volunteering at the community action center, to give back to the agency that did so much for our son when he was going through a lot of emotional turmoil because we kept walking in and out of their lives like it was an open door.

and what do you have? Opportunities galore in front of you to fix things and move forward, and you're turning your back on all of it with your negative attitude.

Compassion, Kindness, and generosity.

and humility

where'd your humility go?

hahahha humility roolz

you have none

not one ounce, because if you did, you could humble yourself enough to take the help being offered to you, eat crow, and suck it up and do what ever anyone with any authority to decide where our kids go asks you to.

and don't tell me you won't talk about the kids with me,i'm not asking you to.

I'm telling you the way it is. In the last six months being open, honest, and doing what I was ordered to by a court has turned everything around. I have grown to a place where I can have my mini crises, but take a step forward afterwards and doing something better, rather than lie around on the c ouch all day in self pity.

I honestly can't see where in the last year while you were on sabbatical to find yourself, you've found a single thing, much less changed any for the better.

and that's sad.

Because you're missing out on one hell of a group of kids we created together, and their lives, but worst of all they're missing out on you.

so when you're done being a stubborn prick, let me know. Let your mom know, we'll be here. We'll still help you. we'll still care.

In the mean time, learn how to get over yourself. Your oldest son needs his father to teach him that stealing is unacceptable.

stealing is fine as long as you don't get caught

and leave no evidence

pfft wtf

well he got caught plent of times.

and he's in trouble at school for stealing.

fine ty

angelique is so smart, her teacher is holding her to higher standards than the rest of the class tokeep her from getting bored and not doing anything at all, and Jamie is jamie, a monster at home, but near perfect in school, and savannah is the princess of everything. And if you don't know what princess she is on a particular day she wont' talk to you. She's always a different princess. She'll even put you in time out if you don't follow the house rules she's so smart. Put her grampy in time out for letting her get out of bed when he came home late one day the little shit. Gave him a black eye when she wanted to go to chuck e cheese too. I can't wait till she's 15 lol

ok, no more thanks

what's the matter? Hurt to much hearing about what wonderful kids you have that you're missing?

huh? no

w/e

do you even remember what the 13th of Febrary is?

or do you not want to because you blame yourself?

hahahaha

I"m evicting Lisa now. Expect a whole ass load of lies to start coming from her to Freedom now

Expect a whole lot of lies from Lisa to be passed on to Freedom now lmao. She's fucking pissed. But in thirty days she's gone

you there?

wtf now?

is it possible to do a who is if you know who runs the site?

what you trying to do?

Find out where your aunt is writing crazy stories about us all so I can laugh

you can't

k

she gave out your moms cell phone number to someone from florida

and I have a morbid curiosity to know what shit people are talking about me lmao

why are you so pissy for?

no, boobs will not fix it

I didn't ask if they would, but if you want boobs I can give ya boobies, I'm alone

does my hunny need a boobie fix?

ummm...hmm

it won't fix it

want em anyways?

....won't hurt, i guess

lol you're so predictable

no i'm not

and no talkin' much

why freedom gonna get mad?

pick it up without voice

no, i just wanna savor a visual moment

mute me goof

not an audible one

can you see me now?

dark-colored beers, like lager

did it at least make it better?

I"m still gonna have to turn the electric on in your name and at least cable.

The heating system runs off electric or i wouldn't bother and just go to wellfare and whine but I already got heap they won't help me anymore this year.

k

Hoping depaul comes through soon enough

mmk

I'm afraid this time I might really end up homeless cause its not just dad being an asshole

hahahahahahahahahahahah. Remember when the cops hated us because we called all the fucking time?

Now they hate lisa

they just had to send an officer here because I sent her a picture of a stupid sim card she accused me of stealing, and told her it was here where she left it, and needed to call ahead next time and have an officer meet her here to get her things, and she called and told them I was harassing her. The cop goes "I'm not even really sure why she called us, it's not harassing but she doesn't want any pictures sent to her phone. I dont' even know why she was bothered it's not like it was vulgar or anything. I said "well she's mad she's being evicted" he said "oh ok, well if you find more of her stuff, just set it aside and leave it...this was a waste of time"

and I know you hate the drama and the cops but this is hilarious

your aunt is a tool

and as soon as I get done moving this stupid bed I'll be in wow and you'll probably have gone to bed knowing you

moody butt

mmk

I have no clue how gramma moved that bed into her house

it's heavier than my old bed! The box spring alone was heavy

why are you giving me the cold shoulder now?

I didn't do anything wrong

I've done everything right in the last two weeks and your treating me like I've been on some vindictive quest to destroy your life again when I haven't.

did you get a message 'from me' at six this morning?

like on face book or email or anything?

spill it, what's your beef?

wtf now?

you're giving me the could shoulder. why?

i'm working

i'll agree to disagree because you don't (computer got funky that's why it took so long) work 24/7

:/

So how long are you going to act like nothing happened?

?

Please don't do this again Matt. You're blowing me off for things I didn't even do, which is worse than being mad at me for things I really did do a year ago that I shouldn't have. It hurts more because I'm not guilty of anything. I'm sick of hearing you're working and have no time, because it's not true, and i'm sick of the false faccade you put on in wow like nothing's wrong when that's not ture, and I'm tired of being fed your lies, and putting my heart into them to be let down. And I hate seeing you throw away a great relationship with our kids just because you're mad at your mom for having realistic expecations. And having you take it out on me because you can't get along with her for whatever reasons you have. This is our last six months matthew before we loose them forever. Our last six months before she says enough is enough and petitions to have our rights terminated. I'll be damned if I"m going to let your idiotic stuboorness get in the way of bringing them home. Play all the games you want, but in the end you never had control of this situation. You never will have any controll over it all if you can't give up this fantasy that it's all going to go your way.

I love you. I always have and I always will, but I can never be with a man that can't be responsible enough to support his kids, or make any effort to be in their lives because he's angry at the person they live with. They didn't choose to live there, we choose to put them there because we couldn't take care of them, they shouldn't be punished for that.

All you've ever had to do was go to mental health and pass their exam, and you would be able to do it now, you've been off meds long enough functioning and you know what answers to say yes and no to, but you refuse to because the court said so, and had you just done it, they'd have been back with you years ago.

Now you can't even come close because you're so angry at your mom for taking them when we couldn't take care of them, you won't even go see them. You won't write them letters, you won't call them on the phone, and you won't support them.

You don't have a clue how much it costs to raise those kids, because if you did you would be proud to say you were supporting them.

I feel sorry for you. You're walking away from everything for nothing at all. You have three places to go up here, you have rides waiting, clothes waiting, and because you can't have it your way you're going to throw away the best thing ever, being a daddy.

A daddy to four of the most brilliant, beautiful kids out there.

And someday when they grow up and they hate you, as much as you hate your mother I want you to think of what you're doing right now and remember that you have had so many chances and you let your stubborness get in the way of a beautiful thing.

Your mother may not have been the best when you were growing up, she may not be everything you want her to be right now, but that's only your perception. If you had actually taken the time to get to know the situation you would see what an amzing person she is for doing what she's doing for us, and what an amazing job she's doing of raising our kids. They're well behaved, smart, and funny, and naughty, but they always make you laugh, and smile and even when they're not behaving its normal kid stuff, not hating where they are.

All you have to do is open up and stop being so angry and bitter. You've had your chances to go get them back, and any time you haven't it's been your direct choice and refuse to comply with the judge.

I just hope you grow up and get over it in time so that you don't miss our kids' entire childhood, and don't have to be hated when they're older by them because you were never there for something as stupid as not liking where they lived or having to pay support.

Its petty, childish and low.

I would love nothing more than to have you here, and have the kinkiest nastiest hottest sex ever and bow down and submit, but I just can't be with a man who won't be responsible for his kids, and can't be flexible enough to do whatever it takes to be a part of their lives no matter how much it sucked. At least they know where I'm at. At least i"m not the reason Angelique goes to the window and stares out waiting for her daddy to show up and come see her cause she misses him.

And honestly unless you got that dumb cunt Freedom pregnant, I don't see what business it is of hers, her aunts, or Vern's where you're living or who you're going to live with, or when you're leaving, so that's the most pathetic excuse I've ever heard not to just up and leave and come be a dad.

All I want is a man who puts his family first, respects his mother and woman, will take me out every now and then (even if its as stupid as mcdonalds), and is honest and true. You used to be those things. Not anymore.

yah, still not

I'm willing to give it a shot you're not. You're so stubborn and you just can't accept a world in which you don't have total control. Me is one thing. I have no problem giving you control within our four walls called home, but because of your choice, you're loosing out on our kids, and worse yet, they're loosing out on an amazing daddy.

I'm frustrated because I can't figure out your angle. What is it you're after? Beating the system? winnning?

having someone to mainipulate for fun?

Some weird thing to get back at your mom for something she did six years ago? Twenty years ago? Ten?

What is your problem really?

no, i've taken a big breath of things after all that has happenned

ok

then what is it?

you hate me still?

I've lost my chance because your aunt is psycho trying to cause me problems

and I have to be punished for it?

what makes you think my sole intention is to punish you?

it's not

because it always has been. You get mad at me for something I have or haven't done and you take away all you're promises of help and coming and working things together to be parents to our kids. You do things to hurt me on purpose.

besides you wanted someone to bow down and submit and when they don't the get punished

so because i didn't do it right you're gonna punish me by taking everything away from me. Its the way it's been for ten years.

mmk

all I wanna know is what you're doing. Are you coming, or are you fucking me over again because things didn't go your way?

i would think that the proper question would be "are you coming or not". not a question that imples utter guilt and ego in one sentence

and i don't know the answer

you don't understand, the ego and guilt are true. You always pull out on me at the last minute and fuck me over when I've made plans to accomodate you. Your mom would come get you today if you wanted to come, but because it's not what you want, you give a lot of shit to a lot of people and we're all getting worn down and frustrated by it. I'm sorry if I offended you for implying guilt and ego, but it's my perception on the situation based on ten years of repeated actions by you. If you want to change my perception then show me that you've changed. If you don't, then say so. Either way at this point because you haven't paid the lot rent and mortgage I'm fucked, and i'll have to find another place to live. I can find a two bedroom no problem, could probably find bigger if I could put down on the application that you were moving in with me, but that would cause problems because you won't have the order of protection changed. They check into that kind of stuff.

you know, none of this would've happenned if one person just listened and respected what i said. you were the one that questioned everything, and it ended up shits creek. now you come to me like you didn't expect the siht outta this

The person who didn't listen matthew was you.

In the beginning when all this came up I told you that lisa had to know you were coming. She was living here, and that to respect her as a living tennant here, she should be asked if she mindied you coming here, you gave no objections at that time.

ok, no more, i'm doing work and your distracting me

And I have every right to question a situation you were putting me in that could have landed me in jail. Because as much as you don't want me to go to jail, I don't want to go to jail worse.

work is a cover.

then i'll have to use the ignore button

It ended up shits creek because you expected to have control over everything and you never had it.

hmmmm

On borrowed bandwith until time warner gets here on the second. They would deal with me for you over the phone but national grid wouldn't. Lisa had everything out of her name on the tenth. They finally came and disconnected her cable line today which is dumb considering they'll be here on the 2nd to connect for me.

Sometimes it gets spotty so i quit anything i"m not using

mmk

National grid wanted you to call them, since you refused to communicate I placed an online order with dad. so I think I have electric service.

smart

good to hear you got some good booty for ya

its been four months since I got fucked I had to do something.

....who was 4 months ago?

same guy?

same guy, bent over the golf cart

right ok gotcha

before that it was whenever the last time I had you

you were at your dads, behind the house

spit bj

that was me giving you a blow job though not me getting fucked

last time we fucked was like july

was it there? in the back room with heaters?

no you're right, it wasn't in bergen the last time, it was in the blue room at dads with Mary when you came back and I picked you up from the blue bird motel. That's how I knew your mom was reading your bank statements

...what?

oh yah

cause we were talking one day and I mentioned I picked you up from the airport and she goes, at soem motel right and I just said yeah and she goes "I know exactly where, the blue bird motel"

hmmm lemme get that date

she knew the name of it without me volunteering it. She reads em every month, that's how she knows generally where you're at.

august or septemberish

9/9

over 5 months since you've had me...wow...

i don't seem that interesting anymore, huh lol

yup

you do, its you who seems to have a problem with me

your doing great for being away from me for over 5 months

you've only heard my voice...twice?

haven't seen how fat i got

yeah

no

and I don't care

or all the hair on my head

or how bad my farts are

yah, i'm a good 270 now

seen the hair in the picture, which I've always liked, and your farts can't be any worse than your aunts

fat face and all

its called unconditional love for a reason matt.

...it's called just not letting go, really

that's my definition, tho

differs from the norm

if you want to put it that way. can you call it the same for the kids though? If I tell you about valentines day because it is rather pertinent to the discussion of unconditional love.

right now, no

ok, but I think you need to hear it at some point.

i've told ya before, and i stopped communicating with you because i asked you not to inform me and you continued to

yah, at some point, but not now really

i respect you for the fight that you've been through and the successes you've had, respect me for my decisions now please

ok.

just answer one thing, are you giving up all together on that fight? Or are you just not ready for it now?

i've been on the mindset to give up on it all together

I have at times too to be honest so I can understand where you're coming from.

and it's taken me a long time to get to being honest

and i can be honest with ya

i still have to lie to the world and hold things back from you cause i can't stop your mouth

but i try

Thats why I left in August after you left that last time. Your mom came and acted like you didn't know if you were staying or not,a nd when I could come back to see the kids again, and I found out later you were already on a plane to Hong Kong when she told me that, and later her excuse was that she said she was coming to get me the next day but I didn't hear it. I wanted to give up then. My heart couldn't do it in the end though no matter how hard I tried my heart couldn't just cut them out completely.

so what's your week like?

one day per line

I really don't have a set schedule.

Monday's I make effort to workout with chuck, not typically a day for appointments so I clean house, and put out the trash, shovel if needs be and play wow or whatever.

Tuesdays are currently slated for two pm appointments to make me a not alcoholic anymore until the first, and then Mondays will change and I'll have pm appointments for some class for eight weeks.

Wednesdays i make effort to work out with chuck, otherwise i'm free.

classes to, what...dance a pole?

to make me not an alcoholic.

o ok

you said "some class"

This is my punishment for trashing your house last year, I am now labled an alcoholic and have to take classes.

its called "womens educational class"

hahahaha sorry

its not even cause they think I have a problem, its because I was drunk when i got arrested lmao

right, i remember...the whole tazing

but i do it to make the stupid court people happy

so thursdays I volunteer across the street at community action, shoot for one pm to five pm but typically less.

Friday's are free. Sat sunday i fit in chuck, and the rest of my time is free unless I have scheduled dr's appointments.

my shrink is a dick.

has an ego problem

threatened to take away my housing help if i get drunk again like it was my fault michelle attacked me and I beat her little ass up for it.

I obviously didn't go to jail.

true true

well, holding cell with heels for the night

you going to sleep anytime soon?

brb

no I'll be up till prolly four am like normal

cell with heels for the night?

I think I'm still cleaning jizz out of my eyes. I know he got it up my damned nose, but he's so respectful, I think that's why I like him. You have gotten cold and distant and disrespectful so I started feeling like a whore. With randy I can be a slut, but he doesn't make me feel like one when it's over.

back

wow..that ...sorta hurts i guess

just don't push the envelope that much yet lol

still hurtin' a bit

I didn't mean it to, but I guess since we're being honest, you've done a lot of damage to my self image. In the end we were both so hurt and out to hurt eachother, that it just was what it was.

and i'm happy to hear

and that's what I miss. I miss when we could be what we wanted to be together in bed, but the love was still there. The tender touches, and tender looks, and tender kisses.

And part of me knows that's still in you, but you've been so hurt you've blocked it out, and that's why I haven't 'gotten over it'

I know this thing with randy is never going to be more than just sex. But when i am with him, for that little bit of time, I feel appreciated, and wanted, and I feel like i'm more than just a peice of meat spreading my legs open so he can get off. And that's how things got toward the end of things for us matt, and if that hurts I'm sorry but it's the truth. I think we both wanted it on the physical level, but at the same time there was that small part of us that wanted to leave the other of us hurting.

well, depending on how events traverse from me will determine the future

I guess I had to finally let you go to be able to deal with the honesty. And be able to dish it out. And I know you worry about the big mouth thing, but I really felt at the time telling your mom you were coming was for the best. She was honestly ready to go to jamestown and testify on my behalf that things were going better and having the order of protection reduced to a refrain from was okay so that we could begin co parenting the kids. I didn't realize at the time it wasn't entirely what you wanted. She was all set to do that and go to court and appoint you supervisor to my visits so the kids could come here and visit us both. I'm sorry for jumping the gun on that. Had I known you're in the position I was in months ago I probably would have chosen differently.

and the thing with lisa, you knew I had to tell her up front, and I'm sorry that things went south with her and I and she blew it for you there. she's doing her best to bring me down but that's where the honesty thing has been a plus for me and kicking her in the ass.

mmk, makes sense

She's literally trying to have the da press charges against me for putting michelle's pictures up on her facebook wall saying "hey baby we had a great time tonight". Obviously its going nowhere, it was done on the first, she didn't complain until AFTER I formally evicted her, and no one has been here to question me and/or arrest me. I think she'll just come back around the ninth of march since that's the thirty day mark and get her stuff and leave, if not it all goes in the trash, I change the locks and pay out the ass for new keys and locks to the mail box.

hahahaha

yeah she hasn't slept here once since the first when I kicked michelles ass and then had her kicked out and lisa decided she was going to stay with michelle until she leaves town. On the 9th I had mom sign and notarize a thirty day notice explaining why lisa wasn't on the lease here, just a month to month basis and why the eviction was legal. Had to have a peace officer, she bitched about everything, accused me of stealing her sim card, and when I found it and sent it to her in a picutre message, she called the cops and tried to have me arrested for that. It didn't work, so the thing about michelle's pictures came out. She's been totally pscyho and I can't wait till I can throw her stuff out and be done with it.

mmk, no more books

i'm sorry there's just so much to say and I have a hard tiem condensing.

just masturbate, it'll clear your mind

hehehehehe if you only knew...

let me know

Mastrubation is much better when someone else does it for you again and again and again and again I've had my fill of cumming for the day to make up for the last four months of abstinence

wow, now i know

you asked.

yes i did

So here's my point of view. I think if you came, and you could open up just a little and not let the little things end up being big things, you could see where I have changed, and eventually maybe realize that while I have done a lot of damage to our family, with or without you, I'm doing what I can to fix it no matter what the cost.

i know your fixing it

that's why i'm proud

And that through honesty with your mom, and not being so defensive at what she says to me, we've reached a point where we've decided no matter what the outcome of all this therapy and the courts, if the decision is they don't come home and they live with her, so long as I am stable (and you if you so choose to be involved), there is absolutely no reason I can't be fully involved in their lives, because in the end, they aren't gonna give a rats ass where they lived, they're gonna care who was there and how much. And that's all I'm gonna say on that matter k?

mmk

I"m not just trying to fix the custody stuff, I'm trying to fix me. I've come to the point where the problem started long before you came into my life, and I have to deal with it, fix it in me and move on. And I'm making progress. They were thinking i had ptsd from my relationship with you, and the rapes and stuff, i'm finding it was from being a kid

yah, i know all this

your mom and i were arguing this summer and i was shaking so bad she reached out to hold my hands and steady me, and I pulled back and freaked so bad it scared her. But she finally understood why you and I had so many issues. The times you tried to do what I needed you to do, grab me and hold me, I was so panicked I fought.

And I'm sorry for that. You really tried to be a good husband, but I was so messed up I couldn't see it.

i know this too

And whether you want to hear it or not right now you're the best daddy our kids could have, and I hope that things go well in the future so you can get back to that. You have one amazingly strong little girl ready to forgive you as soon as you explain why you went away. Its scary, it hurts, but she can handle it, and when and if you choose to do it, its not so bad once you're through it. Now that i've got all that out, I'm done. You coming back to wow? Marty's waiting for ya ya know

i talk to him on skype

well that's good. That is all he asked me to relay to you so I'm glad. did you run out of money for game time? Or just needed a break?

cause as soon as twc hooks us up you can bill it to the home phone

yah i knows

thats a busy week for me. The first I gotta go save dads bacon in support court so he doesn't chew out the magistrate, the second they're hooking up the cable, and the third I gotta deal with the shirnk from hell.

He's a prick. Keeps telling me I"m abusing the system and manipulated them into a diagnosis I wanted.

where's support court at?

same place family court is, you know the door next to the clerks desk no one hardly goes in and out of?

...where

you know where WE go for family court in batavia?

yah

so, in batavia

yeah

ok, that was the correct answer

I thought you knew it was in batavia and didn't knwo where in the court house it was lmao

didn't know your dad had to go there

mom went back to rehab, so she had to get cash money from welfare so they made her file for spousal support, but he's so hot under the collar about it, he's afraid he'll m outh off to the judge and call her a cunt so he's sending me his bills and his paperwork so I can go lol

technically i could appear for both of them lmao

i have poa for both of them

o ok

which means if you were still interested and the cash wasn't the issue I could sign the trailer over to both of us

right...yah....

just an option. The problem there is, you'd have to be able to help me keep from getting forclosed on, or squat with me somewhere else if not until you decide what you're doing.

right, i know

I could still get a two bedroom, and depaul if approved would allow me a roommate which ups the amount of rent they'd pay but that'd mean you going on the books. so there's options, don't freak about that, its just stuff you'll have to be willing to discuss with me at some point.

i knows

made it to 64 last night. as soon as I'm done chatting to clint I'll push for 65

you still gotta make 85

lol I know but i'm pushing for it, I just get bored after lying here for so long playing, and if I've had a stressfull day I get easily distracted and un focused

I find it interesting that on the emotional levels going through all this court stuff and whatever you're about three months behind me in some areas and others, way ahead lol

mmk cool

so what else is new, cause I have oodles to say but none of it is okay to talk about right now, its your turn to generate some conversation.

eatin' now

i've had no appitite for days. Between the constant fever and the lack of quick to make foods, I've just been ignoring my tummy. Anything good?

spegetti

cool. Have freedom make her chicken cordon bleu for you if she hasn't yet. Fantastic cook at that she is.

not my choice unless asked

ahhhh well if she makes it you'll love it. she's really good at it.

yah, i knows

so, even though you realize that your life needs changing in some way, your sexual direction hasn't in any way?

no, you've opened me up sexually. Which is kinda why I was glad when you previously spoke of coming here and staying and though not focusing on repairing the relationship, still sleeping together even if we maintained seperate rooms. I don't like the chase any more than you do, dating is akward, and all I really want is to not have ot be alone all the time, but have someone around that does their own thing when i want to be left alone, and to kinda help with the bills along the way. You would have been ideal because you're the father of our kids, and if your mom and wayne can carry on a plutonic relationship for the betterment of our kids I figured why could we, at least we'd have eachother around for a good tumble when we wanted it without having to go looking. Kinda a thing where everyone benefits.

especially after the workout I got today, i want more more more

hahaha use your phone, call the stud up

i can't just do that, he's got a life

and you got a snatch needing his attention, and he's got a groin that's dripping for your mouth

and he's got work in the morning so he's already in bed

hmm

masturbate!

you intentionally ignored my above statements so I'm taking it as a no fly zone.

it was a book, i skimmed

yah, it still a good deal

i'm sorry i could put each thought into an individual line but you'd interrupt me each time. Its easier to write the book for you to READ and respond to

pfft, it overwhelms me with all the responses i have that i just give up

ok i can get that

my mom and dad did it for eighteen years. If we can see our kids through to college, it's better than them living with your mom till then.

just stop the train of thought real quick

i said it's possible i could squat with you for a couple day

relax a bit, i think we've taken this conversation way outta the safe zone lol

If you're only squatting for a couple of days what are you really going to do if you're not going to canada for medical things?

unsure yet, i haven't planned that far

that's in .. 5 weeks?

ok

i know you have an obvious issue with telling me what your plans are. For good reason.

I guess I'm lost as to why you're squatting for a few days if you have no real plans. And literally in five weeks I could not be in the trailer.

thats a huge up in the air thingg though

i'll know more in the next couple days

i'm in preplanning

i'm not really last minute much anymore....

don't think i have been

is it like a test or is it like you have to go and don't know where you're going yet?

a treatment

I'm still not buying this whole medical thing.

that's fine

i don't believe you to

in what?

to buy into my stuff

sorry, really incomplete sentence

i'm not entirely comfortable with the lack of truth. I know why it exists, and don't blame you for that, I have fucked up so many times its obvious why you don't trust me with the truth, but my gut tells me there's more to this than you're just squatting a couple of days to go get medical treatment in canada when you could get it here for free anyways.

and if it is the truth, i'm wondering what you're sick with that you have to go across teh border to get it.

just remember, the less clothes, the better

I guess it puts me in an akward position. If you're just testing me out id' rather you say so. If there's truth involved you know i'm gonna get pissed and spew, I'd rather you at least tell me that than something phoney I know is phoney. I'm just really uncomfortable hearing you're coming to squat for a few days before leaving the country again, and you're just going to use me. Cause thats what it sounds like.

i could deal with mutual use

its just you coming to fuck me for a few days and leaving is part of what makes me feel like a slut.

or rather your approach to it anyways

i'm not testing you out

man, stop looking deep into this please

i'm just really confused.

mmk

I don't like the hump and dump from you because there's been so much more. I can deal with randy because i know walking into it that's all it is, and he's sensitive enough and respectful enough to women that i'm not left feeling like a whore. You have me lost on squatting for a few days, not knowing what you're really gonna do in regards to the kids, and saying that the mutual use long term relationship thing is a possibility.

i'm trying to respect your wishes as much as possible, and its leaving me uneasy about the whole thing

then fill in the blanks, but keep it to yourself until the true answers happen

if I do that and the true answers are the let down, then I go freaking out like I did earlier and that may not be good with a three month supply of drugs coming.

i figured out why od'ing isnt working, i'm missing the magic ingredient, alcohol lol

hahaha

not that building up a tolerance is helping any cause i can't sleep at night

masturbate

meh

fine, masturbate me

with your ear

that's another reason sex with you becomes un satisfying. you mastrubate too much, it becomes too much work to make you cum so i get bored.

i stopped doing it often, it's just better to pop quick

yeah

even better if you can do it two or three times in a few hours

mmhmm

i miss that too from you sex marathons

three hours used to be a minium

mmhmm

you need to write erotic books

that'll give you something to do

google doc ftw

hmmm

look alls i'm saying is my offer is open, you know what I want, and you don't know what you want. When you figure it out let me know. I don't have time for guessing games.

write books! yes!

dew eet!!!!!

they can be short stories

I've gotta move forward in my life, i'd prefer to share it with you, but if you aren't willing to fight for our kids, and you can't tolerate some un pleasantry along the way then just say so and let me go. So when you know, let me know. When you're coming to squat let me know. I have other stuff to do than sit here and get all upset wondering what is you're hiding from me this time.

well, being the second best in size is just a bit weird lol

i don't even care about the size matt I just want to know that we have an arrangement, and you aren't ready to enter one yet so rather than waste our time bantering about it I'm going to drop it.

right ok

sorry, ego thing

I would rather have you all the time than randy some of the time.

I just don't want to feel like i mean nothing to you at all

..that sentence works well the other way, too

regardless

as i get more info, you'll get more solid plans

do you at least get what I'm trying to say here?

I can accept that. I just can't accept you leaving again. Its destroyed me every time you've done it, so if there is someone else, and you're abandoning our kids I wish you'd just say it and be done with it rather than come squat for a few days, and leave me hanging on to hopes and reams like you always do.

with that being said I'm going to bed or something. I'm uneasy about this whole thing. When you have your answers let me know, and please let me know honestly.

I'll ttyl

mmk

sent file "07 - Get Ya Head Right.mp3"

bbiab

jamma time

back

sup

k

sup

chillen

in my jammies

about to take my pills. Lisa tried to tell the dr's I take too many of my pills so they piss tested me and did a pill count. Lisa looks like a fucking idiot now

hahaha

itty's

ittys?

you want itty's?

whatcha upto now?

nothing just got home for the day, so I could give you itties

wtf are itties?

itty's

yay, you game more more ittys!

wanna see my itty's?

u got ittys?

I got titty's

o.O

you wanna see em?

i no wanna do skype call and talk

you want pictures?

i seriously have to find the software for my camera

its a pain in the ass to do it with skype lol

but I suppose I could

....

i don't mind skype, i just don't wanna do talkin' or listening or stuff

sent file "boobies1.png"

thats fine but you still have to do the video call

then i'll have to mute and turn volume down

I have my stuff muted

and you'll have to do the same

mine is done

what's the matter afraid freedom will find out you're talking to me and call the cops or kick you out ?

nom nom nom

and no no no

now i like that

that's pretty good

for using a shirt

better belly!

why you doin strip?

o.O!

smexy smexy

cause i can and I wanna show off my progress at 156 lbs

mmk

now, just keep shirt on

and yous a sexypot

shirt fits your curvies good

you want the shirt on

no nakedness

boobs over top was just epic

oh super cleavage!

i saws that

or THO behind shirt

you can see they're not as saggy as I'm working out

yes

that's right

om nom nom

SEXY SEXY!

that a t-shirt?

damn

yeah its a tshirt

mmk, that's required wear around me forever!

its an expensive one that's why it's so strechy

just tshirt, and all shaved

it's fucking perfect

called a 'baby doll' tshirt

mmk, need to get more

mmk mmk

stop showing off, you showoff

growl

I am a show off

its supposed to remind you of what you've been missing

ohhhhhhh

maybe some handlebars, and you'd be a sweet ride

so what do you think of my progress now?

i think it's great

handlebars = pigtails

a bit lopsided

not quite even, need more practice but yeah

nice

oh not out

not

wait

do that again

got it

sent file "Video call snapshot 30.png"

need a brush for better tails

I used to wear em to school and got teased lol

that, right there..

those tails are..just..

yah

cute

yeah

too bad you don't want me

but you fuck with my head so much with your body

and how you look

you could be having this every night

you could be having this every night but you don't beleive me. Even after I tolld you that I got fucked in the face so hard yesterday my doctor thought I had strept throat today because it was so raw from being pounded?

yah, you mentioned that

lemme see your body profile again

w/ shirt on

hell I"m wet just showing off for you

sideways

k, suck it in

sent file "Video call snapshot 31.png"

see, not bad

nope

you wanted progress i gave it to you

....after all you've put me through, and i've put you through, why?

no books!

cause I believe that people can change, and I still love you as much as I did the day I first said it. You built a brick wall around your heart.

or i'll make you fuck that doorknob!

o ok

makes sense

you think it's not getting over you, in a sense that's true, but in another it's called having faith.

so being a sexy bangable object in my eyes is you having faith?

having faith that if you quit running away everytime things got hard we could make it work.

so what's the sexpot act for, then?

being a sexy bangable object, is a added bonus for both of us

touche

You don't want to chase tail, I don't want to chase tail, neither one of us wants drama, why can't we be adults for a change and work it out?

be adults and you seduce me on camera everytime you go video, huh? lol

lol you wanted tittys so I gave you what you wanted correct?

I think you're scared.

you went above and beyond the call of anything

and you have a right to be scared

so, its not like you aren't attracted

if you weren't attracted you'd have shut off the camera and told me to fuck off.

fuck off

the doorknob!

now!

wooooo

j/k

lol I wish I could lol

looks bigger than me and your enjoyable deepthroat

I'd have to take it off the door and have no way to keep the crazies out

good point

you gave up on love. That's what's wrong with this whole thing. Its easier to have meaningless sex than it is to have meangful sex and get hurt again. Been there, done that, should have gotten a tshirt.

you did get a tshirt

it fits you excellently

I"m being serious and your joking, its a sign this conversation is too deep for you. I get it.

and it does fit me excellently

that's why I put it on for you

heard something. Hope its not the doorknob

o.O!

maybe some dick for you...hmmm

god, those pigtails make you look great

not likely unless its you

o.O

check this out, tho in its most natural form

wow

amazing research specimens

its chilly enough in here

hahahaaha

heat it up then

they are quite handleable now lol

can't afford to till I check the propane tanks

handleable? ...

you know massageable, touch able....

o ok

i'm more focuses on the pigtails

years i've asked, never seen em until now

hair wasn't usually long enough to produce

my hair is quite long. If I could afford to trim half an inch of it off every six months it'd get longer faster

and stronger for you to pull on without loosing a bunch

well, anyone to pull

just need to braid 'em, and they'll be strong

i really don't want anyone. I really want you, why else go through such efforts to seduce you into coming back here? if i wanted just anyone with a dick I'd go to the bar

right

i don't see me squatting there as "squatting" in your eyes

so let me get this right, you really mean to squat for a few days and leave for Canada to stay there for an undetermined period of time while I"m trying to encourage you to come back here, do the adult thing and work it out right?

yes and no

i'm not sure yet. your just the preferrable and closest person to squat with

i mean, what if i'm there for 3, 5, 7 days and don't touch you?

and stop picking!

lol

I'd feel like shit, because I really would like to work things out. And I'm really struggling with the fact that your'e going to walk away again and our kids really need you and want you. And selfishly because i"m looking at a diagnosis that would prevent me from ever getting custody and you're the only other person that hasn't been barred from getting them. You just haven't proven you can handle them.

you wouldn't make efforts to get me to touch you..

for 7 straight days you'd feel like shit

of course I would

but if you kept pushing me away I'd feel like shit because then I'd know for certain you don't want me at all and its over over and you're leaving and never looking back and I can't handle that

mmk, just checking

you is very sexy

and i am very ashamed that i'm just fat as hell

and i know you don't care

thank you And if you came here you could get back in shape!

and I don't care

yah, chuck would do that for me i know

but you could get back in shape.

if your mom and wayne can make a 'marraige' work for our kids, why can't we? They don't even sleep in the same room.

at least we're attracted to eachother

i know, you've said that before

and you might not be attracted to me after seeing me lol

fat, bald, wow...

hey now I stayed with jake how long? and you've been bald before

i mean, dome'd, and you just called me jake

no i did not

yah

you compared me

and comparing is calling

should i compare you to ex girlfriends?

.....

I said that I stayed with jake and he's fat. So if I can stay with jake who is far fatter than anyone I know, then i would not have a problem with you.

no.

and I dont' care if you're going bald its called getting older. I'm loosing my hair and getting greys.

remember when i asked you what your fav pet name was?

yes

you knows what mine is?

hubby

.....thats your name for me

no that's what I last knew you liked to be called, hubby, you were for a time upset aht I didn't call you my hubby.

if it's changed, then no I don't know what your fave pet name is

awwww....it's easy!

cause you got one already

hawwtie?

wtf

lol

no

I'm clueless I have what?

a hottie?

....

a sexy guy

lol

this is interesting

trying to think of what I have

keep going

I have kitties

sexpot?

no

i'm bad at this, I don't even know you like to be called.

<----

homer

no

lol

doh!

you have a homer?

no i don't but I have a DOH

a wha?

doh!

the face you made is doh!

wtf is a doh?

ooooo

I have a DOH and so do YOU

well, you still don't got it

no i don't.

so come on

babe?

Sexy?

cutie?

---->

sourpuss?

no

i'm gonna make you do the damn doorknob

lol I really don't get what you're trying to say I have.

you have only one of 'em, too

ass?

....

no

lol

pussy? cause I have three of those, one on my body and two that run rampat around the house

head?

no

lol

stripper?

dancer?

-->

partyier?

-->

fool?

lol

i am not good at this!

never have been.

all those my "pet names"?

guesses but I don't think they're ones you like

I would call you babe

cause you already got one, but you don't like using it to me

since I can't call you hubby

master?

--> -->

and you have a master?

I don't get it i'm so clueless i should be blond

no I don't Its supposed to be you

come on baby...

lover?

you have a lover?

no

things I have duh

things you have one of

I have one pussy, one ass, one mouth

one nose

one head

one body

one stomach

lol

none of those are pet names love

its not -->Dance or -->Doh

love? I have one love.

yah, and it's not -->D<ance or -->D<oh

daddy?

you want me to call you daddy?

I can call you daddy

dere be my happy pet name

now that I know it wasn't my daddy that molested me

so what does my big daddy want?

...big daddY?

o.O

you don't want to be big daddy master of the castle?

does that make you my big baby?

lol no

it didn't seem 1:1

so what does my daddy want

what i'm seein' now...just epic

yup, nice shirt, pigtails, no pants or bra

perfect

so come get it

ummmmmm

i won't know until this weekend baby

k

unless you want me to send you cash so you can enjoy a jacuzzi with me

usual tax -> bus thing

I can't make it on a bus

mmk

you do see you a sexy thing now

why can't you leave where you are?

i mean, over the top

yes i do

cause i can't now

epic bewbies!

what are you waiting for?

some communications, and a confirmation on an appointment

the medical thing?

yah

is that real?

I thought it was a cover

what's wrong with my daddy

awwww....

and why can't he come here and get his booboo fixed?

There's a walk in clinic now.

....yah, but they don't cover some specific things

like what?

things that cause loss of hair...

what's made you loose your hair?

besides getting older?

and weight gain

I can't think of a single illness that cause hair loss and weight gain

awww!

baby!

what?

I"m really worried now

why?

and because you keep talking about hair loss and weight gain like you caught some miserable disease and I can't think of anything that would cause either of those other than aging and improper diet and activity.

i knows. i knows. just relax

i'm not worried

i can't!

you're sick and you could be treated here if you would just stop being stubborn, be an adult and go to the walk in clinic. Or tell me what it is so I could no why you can't get it here.

are you a drug smuggler?

is that how you're making money now?

yes! i'm a drug smugger!

with a hawt slutty ex-wife!

lol stop being a drug smuggler, come home to the hawt slutty ex wife to work things out like and adult and stop worrying about being bald and overweight.

mmk

I lost eight pounds in the last month with chuck and diet.

you told me that already

EIGHT POUNDS in one month is epic.

I lost ten just stopping eating crappy food.

on biggest loser they do about 30/month

You're going to go bald sooner or later so get over being bald.

get your butt on a bus and come work things out.

v8 is great

naw!

buses stop runnin' at 6pm

nope they still have an 11pm pick up!

I has a schedule!

nope, i got the schedule

me too got it when chelle got here

what is up with your finger?

cum

.....

i'm wet

o.O is that a boy?

18003520979

nope

....

trailways doesnt do j town anymore

so a trail ways schedule would do you no good

i knows..i had updated one

well you suck!

....

get one tomorrow at six am!

.....nooo

sent file "IMG_22022011_192824.png"

not until i have the answers i need

you can get them here Pfffft!

its called getting older

unless you caught some disease while you were away

it's called your a horndog, and you need some good dick

and no, i didn't get a disease

i brought this on me

no its called I wanna work things out and you don't want to and you won't tell me what's really wrong with you

if i wanted people to know, i would tell them

i would happily share lots of information with the world

blogging it, journaling it, making it my new facebook status

but no, i chose not to

it's not me to let the world in

you make it sound like its cancer or some std that you don't want anyone to know

it's not! jesus...you are sexy

i had to eat, but you vury pretty

i'm really worried!

cause I don't see anything that could be so serious you can't get it treated here.

you should order pizza, and give the pizzaman a hella tip

i have no money twc overdrafted my account taking the months payment to early matthew

still don't know whose name the electric is in lol

it's cash on delivery..he might be happy to pay for you

mmk

i gotta get going here for a bit

ok

just FREAKIN RELAX!

you make me feel so guilty, and i dislike that

fine I"ll go take

its your mom ttl

i'll take my drugs and relax

o

you there?????????????

back

brian was in a wreck

nice

didn't he just get into one the other day?

o

that's the one

lol

lol yeah

smexy!

where'd your fingers go?

on the phone with your mom. she says go apply at wilson farms on hazletine cause there's an ad in batavia saying they're hiring

so, go apply

my fingers were answering the door, they just tried to serve lisa with her divorce papers

hahahaa

no jamestown is hiring silly

buck nekked

YOU go apply

o....ok

wait..you answered the door...

well yeah some cute guy in a red shirt was out there with papers, thought maybe i won something

did you bend over for him

lol no but my tshirt is still streched out and i flirted

YES!

and?

because he was 'on the job' he couldn't do much but I"m sure he snuck a few peeks.

YES!

how'd you do your flirtin?

smile a lot, be really nice

hmmm

i am after all standing in a tshirt and pants, with my hair messily pulled back and no make up, not like I look that fantastic to others

not everyone thinks thats sexy

....awww...pants?

i wasn't going to the door with no pants on!

pfft...if i was there

left the undies off though

lol

i'd so make you answer the door

they just marked it as a no serve and i told the guy she's already aware of the action she got a copy of the paperwork via email from the court clerk

and you'd be like "can we make this quick? my cooch is cold!"

mmk

well thats a shame cause you're not here to make me answer the door

lol

when your shaved, pants are a nono

only if I had a master here to make me follow the rules.

mmhmm

i see what you did there

maybe my shrink is right I am manipulating them lol

yes, you are very manipulative

when your body is banging, you can do anything to any guy

and you know how to get your way

it frustrates you cause you can't 100% maniplate me

but we can manipulate each other

he and I don't see eye to eye. He called me out on manipulating the system the first day he saw me cause his superior found very different diagnosis' than he did

we can, and we could do it very well as a team if you were up to the challange

I think you're scared.

and I know that's why you won't.

your 100% the manipulator i am

lol

and it's difficult and frustrating to go toe-to-toe with oneself

true

so why can't we work together to manipulate the world and get what we want?

cause i've grown alot out of it

i still got what i got, and i can see when it happens

but i'm not 100% into it anymore

unless i REALLY REALLY REALLY want it

so why can't we be to adults, mutually using eachother to get a better future for our kids?

....your about to cross the line dear

I"m just saying, it works for your mom and wayne

yah, i know

and it worked for candy's parents too

worked for mine too

my dad would have left my moms ass before i was four if not for mike wilson.

hell my dad did leave my moms ass before I was four

mike told him "grant if you can't handle debbie what kind of life is your daughter going to have?"

so he married mom, made me unbastarded and stuck it out till I was old enough to leave, and they split.

mmk, come on

nuff said

i know you're ready to give up on the kids I really do, and i believe you because I was there in august. Said fuck it all and just left. But I also know you have a heart you're hiding. You're a good dad. They miss you a lot whether you want to hear it or not they do. Angel asked on vday if you were going to live with us. But somewhere in your heart you love those kids too much to walk away forever, like me.

I know you better than that.

so think about it.

i have thought about it

i think they are fine in the environment that they are in

and to change that would be a complete shock to their world

that's all i'm going to say

on that topic

okay?

it doesn't have to be that's the point. THe court isn't going to just say here move them, they're going to make us make a plan to gradually adjust them to moving them from where they are.

jenny

i know the lines been crossed and you're pissed, but its not as black and white as yout hink it is.

i'm not pissed

i just explained it to you

you didn't see me this summer matt. I was doing it all. taking em to daycare, waiting for the bus, the whole routine day and night for six months, I left because you left

jenny....stop please

and there is no doubt in my mind that I can do it. but they need you too. and I'm presenting an option. And not one noone is going to consider but you. You're the only one refusing to see the possibilities.

jennifer, no more

I'm scared that you're going to canada and never coming back matthew.

i'm not a canadian citizen

if you have a 'common law' marraige there you could be.

tjat

true, but it's not my intent

but even so I'm afraid you're leaving with no plans to ever come back, and that is whats going to destroy the kids' world. They're hurting so much because they need you too and I know how you feel but, i'm scared that you're walking away and giving up on them is going to make things worse for them when they are amazing kids. and they are the true definition of unconditional love. So please. take my proposal and seriously consider it because I can't imagine a life for them without you in it.

adn that is the end of what I have to say.

about time

get slutty now, you've got me upset

my eyes are red