Dad Feels: Grief, Loss, Regret

Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

Benjamin Franklin, in a letter to Jean-Baptiste Le Roy, 1789

People often wish that they could have done things differently following the death of a loved one; this can make them feel guilty.

Guilt in Bereavement: The Role of Self-Blame and Regret in Coping with Loss
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4018291/

These videos, regardless of the perceived morbidity, regret, grief, or loss, have always placed me into a sense of being thankful for each day that is brought to me.

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Quotes that peek into the void…

Feelings aren’t real. Feelings are a reaction to a perceived wound that’s never been healed.

https://youtu.be/lIuxQ18AZCo?t=818

What does it mean to live a finite fragile life in an infinite eternal universe?

https://youtu.be/i4MY4_u6R-E

It’s so much better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.

https://www.lifehack.org/445083/why-its-much-better-to-be-alone-than-to-be-with-someone-who-makes-you-feel-lonely

Jennifer Rose Julia, b.4/Jan/1986, d.19/Nov/2022

Jennifer Rose Julia, beloved mother, sister, daughter and friend, of Norfolk, VA, passed away unexpectedly on November 19, 2022. She was a beautiful soul and will be deeply missed by all who knew her. 

Jennifer studied psychology and was self employed as a holistic healer. Jen was also a “professional” shopper. She especially loved sparkly, pink things and high heels. Her happy place was at the beach and she enjoyed the beauty of horses. Her greatest love in life though, was her family. She adored  being a mother and enjoyed being around people. 

Jennifer is preceded in death by her adopted mother, Lina Logan. Left to cherish her memory are her kids, Apollo Laureano and Alec Julia; her siblings, Jessica Hulings, Jeremy Curtis, Samantha Hitchcock, Michael Almanza and Tabitha Hays. She also leaves behind many more who consider her a sister, such as the Logan Family. 

A memorial service for Jennifer was held on November 26, 2022. The world is not as bright without Jen’s presence, but she would want her family and friends to shine on. In her own words of wisdom to her child that can be a universal message for all who shared love with her, “Always reach for the stars and trust God will guide you.”

In lieu of flowers please consider memorial donations to the family by clicking the link below.

tmcfunding.com/funds/jennifer-rose-julia/7241/

Source: https://bucktroutfuneralhome.net/obituary/jennifer-rose-julia/

It’s with a very heavy heart that I have to bring the news that my dearest sister has gone to be with the Lord. My confidant and partner in crime, my home base and person I could always turn to left the world on 11/19. She leaves behind her two amazing teenagers that are now with my brother in law and his wife. We don’t have a lot of information right now and I’m not sure when they’ll let us know all the details, so we ask for everyone’s patience. My sister was a firecracker in a tiny package, brilliant blue eyes, and a mischievous grin with giant dimples. We’ve talked many times over the years on what she’d like if anything were to happen to her, so to honor her wishes we will not be holding a traditional funeral. We will be hosting a celebration of life party likely on Saturday, but tbd. In lew of flowers, please consider donating to get costs. I’ll be flying as soon as things are sorted and my siblings and I are working on all the details. The biggest things we need now are prayers and financial help for all the processing and for the kids. They’ll need lots of love to help with this giant whole that’ll be left. They are the world to her. For this in the US, I have a gofundme me I’ll link to my profile or you can cash app $hulingsj and for those in Korea, you’re welcome to send to kakao or dm for bank details. I’m thankful for all the loving people that are around her and that all our family got to meet her…and, as much as I’ll greatly miss her, I’m grateful that she’s no longer in pain. I may not respond to messages, but I will appreciate any words you would like to send our way.

Facebook/21 Nov 2022 at 9:38am

Unfortunate Shock and Awe

Ahh, Fall. 22 of September, 2021. I was supposed to have court today but lawyers felt like it could be delayed another 3 months.

The first day of fall started off as any odd day would. Molly and I decided to take the newly minted 3-year-old to the Strong Museum of Play, eat some food and then come back to Buffalo. We jumped on the 490 in Rochester, sailed west to hook up with the Interstate 90, and then cruised at the normal pace. Due to the gas tank being a bit low we decided to turn into the reservation at Pembroke and fill up.

Travelling northbound into Indian Falls Molly noticed a tan pickup truck on the right side of the road, and I had noticed a huge white semi truck in the field and what appeared to be a mess/entanglement of a vehicle below the rear of the truck. We did not realize what we were driving by, and we thought it odd for such a situation to exist. Obviously there were not emergency vehicles around, no sirens or lights, and we were both questioning what we thought we saw, arguing over the existence of the semi truck/pick up truck. Regardless, we drove the next 4 miles off to the reservation, got some gas, and then departed.

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9-11-2021 – 20 Years Later

There is going to be millions of stories that reflect back 20 years ago to the day that “America was attacked” and “Where we were”. This is one of those million stories, and coming across this story would be a 1 in a million chance.

I was almost 20 years old and waking up in a bed at 563 E. 2nd Street in Jamestown in an upstairs apartment. I had just had an amazing night with my 17 year old girlfriend, woke up, moseyed my way out of the bedroom to sit on her 23-year old brothers couch and prepared for the morning.

My usual poison in the morning was Mountain Dew, Marlboro or a Newport, and “Wake Up” on Headline News. After grabbing my 2-liter and lighting up I turned on the television. The news was on fire, reporting on something hitting the World Trade Center. Fire was plentiful but reports were scarce.

At 8:46am American Airlines Flight 11 hit the World Trade Center between floors 93 and 99. The news was scrambling to make sense and stating it was some tragic small aircraft. The World Trade Center was on fire and that’s pretty much what news cameras were focused on.

At 9:03am I witness it on the news. Flight 175 hits South Tower.

Where was I? Sitting on a couch, smoking a cigarette and drinking Mountain Dew watching a skyscraper get hit by an Airplane live on television.

That was my 9/11/2001

And so I don’t forget a classic saying: There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.

Thanks to timeline.911memorial.org to help me get my facts straight