Before I kill you, old friend…

On February 5, 2015, I had signed up with DigitalOcean and checked out my first “Droplet”. It was a 2vCPU host with 2GB RAM and 40GB of storage running Centos 6. You were well worth the cost of $20/month and did everything that I asked.

Today is your last day of life. I’ve moved on to a new host that has 2vCPUs and 2GB of RAM, but 60GB of storage and runs Centos 8. It’s also $5 cheaper.

Before I shut you down and terminate you I’d like to say that you did more than you were designed for. You were excellent in how you handled updates and installing software that you weren’t designed for. You almost had a 4-digit-day uptime but for some reason, I felt the need to reboot you.

[root@VPS ~]# last | grep ^reboot
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Thu Dec 19 09:17 - 14:06 (134+03:49)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sun Feb 17 16:50 - 09:17 (304+16:26)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sun Dec 30 15:45 - 16:50 (49+01:04)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sun Dec 30 15:43 - 15:45  (00:01)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Mon Dec 10 21:38 - 15:43 (19+18:05)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Fri Feb 16 11:15 - 21:37 (297+10:22)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sat Dec  2 19:59 - 21:37 (373+01:38)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Sat May 27 10:11 - 19:59 (189+10:48)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Thu Aug  4 05:06 - 10:11 (296+05:04)
reboot   system boot  2.6.32-431.1.2.0 Thu Feb  5 18:41 - 10:11 (841+14:29)
[root@VPS ~]# shutdown -h now

Broadcast message from mjheick@VPS
        (/dev/pts/0) at 14:07 ...

The system is going down for halt NOW!
[root@VPS ~]#

I’ve shut down other hosts before without giving it a second thought. This, however, is one of the hardest and scariest things I’ve had to do in a long while.

Farewell, my friend at 104.236.197.67. May the bits be ever in your cache.

Remembering Anna

A lot of things happened on the day that I died. Many things changed The whole world bustled with energy as it always does. The appointments that were so important were left unattended on the day of my death. All of the plans that I made will never come to fruition. The calendar that has rules my days and nights for years will no longer be relevant at all. All of my material possessions that I pined for and guarded will be up for the taking to those who want them, or will carelessly be thrown aside. My critics can no longer hurt me, and their harsh words will never cause me undue pain again. The arguments I won that gave me such a sense of satisfaction no longer bring solace or comfort. I no longer rush to answer all of the urgent notification beeps of texts and calls and emails. Their gravity is forever ebbed. All of the regrets I wasted so many sleepless nights on are forever where they should have always been – firmly placed in the past. The worries about the size of my waist, my thinning hair and the deepening wrinkles on my face are gone. The image of myself I so desperately wanted others to have is a mirage; they now have to complete it themselves anyhow. My reputation, flawless and so worked for, is of little concern. All those things both big and small that caused me such anxiety and so many sleepless nights are now obscured. The mystifying questions about life and death and what it all means were at one clarified. All of this and more came true, on the day I departed this earth. For all of this that has come to pass, there is still more things that will occur. There will be those people who truly knew and love me who will now grieve with the pain of my passing. They now suffer a new void. They have been beaten by fate. They will feel unwilling to accept that my time has come. A part of them was stolen from them on the day I died. And what they will wish for more than anything on that day, is to be able to spend just one more day with me in it. I know this, for I myself have grieved over the loss of those I have loved. And because I have mourned, I will try to remember that time is previous. It is finite. It is fleeting. It must not be wasted. For this reason, I ask that you not place materials before moments. I ceased worrying about those things which are beyond my control. All of those things that seem to matter so much, don’t. Do not let them compete for you attention or go against those things that truly do matter, those moments and people that allow you to actually live while you are alive. Do not be robbed of the joy you deserve. Spend your energy on those who make you feel alive, who want to spend their precious time with you. Dance with them before it is too late. Do not waste the daylight any longer in the previous days before the one in which your life ends. Don’t keep giving your life to all that seem to matter, because when you die and are gone from this earth, that stuff won’t matter at all. Yes, I have left this world behind and one day, so shall you. But before you do, live each day like it is the first, last and best day you’ll ever have.

Source: 20180922-Remembering-Anna.pdf

Anna T Myers Hall-Beede, b. 2/Aug/1966, d. 8/Sep/2018

Clyde- Anna T Myers Hall-Beede, age 52, a beautiful and deeply loved lady, entered into her place of eternal peace and solace on Saturday, September 8, 2018.

A native of Polk County, Florida, Anna had made her home in Haywood County for the past 25 years. She had honorably served her country as a United States Air Force Veteran and had been employed as a paralegal in Waynesville retiring with several years of dedicated service. She was of the Baptist faith. Her love of horses was evident all throughout her life and during her younger years she performed in rodeos and participated in barrel racing. Anna also enjoyed riding motorcycles and making wonderful memories with her family. Her great love for her family and especially her grandchildren was truly immeasurable. Anna had dedicated her life to “ raising her boys” and her amazing great strength and courage is an example for each of us to follow. Let us each remember Anna’s words,“Live each day like it is the first, last and best day you’ll ever have.”

She was preceded in death by her parents, Andrew Leach, Sr. and Ardelle Burns Leach and also her brother, Michael Myers.

Surviving are her loving husband, Donnie Beede of Clyde ; her sons, Kenneth Keefer of Waynesville and Stephen Hall and his wife, Chasity Hall of Rock Hill, South Carolina; five grandchildren; two sisters and eight brothers.

A celebration of life service will be held at 3:00 pm Saturday, September 22, 2018 at The Historic Grove Church located at Crawford / Ray Memorial Gardens in Clyde.

Crawford / Ray Funeral Home and Cremation Service is honored to be caring for the Hall-Beede family.

Sourced from: http://www.crawfordray.com/obituaries/anna-t-myers-hall-beede

Verses Three

Il Dolce Suono

Italian

Il dolce suono mi colpì di sua voce!
Ah, quella voce m’è qui nel cor discesa!
Edgardo! io ti son resa. Edgardo! Ah! Edgardo, mio! Si’, ti son resa!
fuggita io son da’ tuoi nemici. (nemici)
Un gelo me serpeggia nel sen!
trema ogni fibra!
vacilla il piè!
Presso la fonte meco t’assidi alquanto! Si’, Presso la fonte meco t’assidi.
Ohimè, sorge il tremendo fantasma e ne separa!
Qui ricovriamo, Edgardo, a piè dell’ara.
Sparsa è di rose!

Un’armonia celeste, di’, non ascolti?
Ah, l’inno suona di nozze!
Il rito per noi s’appresta! Oh, me felice!
Oh gioia che si sente, e non si dice!
Ardon gl’incensi!
Splendon le sacre faci, splendon intorno!
Ecco il ministro!
Porgimi la destra!
Oh lieto giorno!
Al fin son tua, al fin sei mio,
a me ti dona un Dio.
Ogni piacer più grato,
mi fia con te diviso
Del ciel clemente un riso
la vita a noi sarà.

English

The sweet sound of his voice struck me!
Ah, that voice has entered my heart!
Edgardo! I surrender to you, oh my Edgardo!
I have escaped from your enemies.
A chill creeps into my breast!
Every fibre trembles!
My foot falters!
Sit down by the fountain with me a while!
Alas, the tremendous phantom arises and separates us!
Let us take refuge here, Edgardo, at the foot of the altar.
It is scattered with roses!

A heavenly harmony, tell me, do you not hear it?
Ah, the marriage hymn is playing!
They are preparing the rite for us! Oh, how happy I am!
Oh joy that is felt but not said!
The incense is burning!
The holy torches are shining, shining around!
Here is the minister!
Give me your right hand!
Oh joyful day!
At last I am yours, at last you are mine,
A god gives you to me.
Let me share
The greatest pleasures with you,
Life for us will be
A smile from merciful heaven.


Invictus

Out of the night which covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


The Destruction of Sennacherib

The Assyrian came down like the wolf on the fold,
And his cohorts were gleaming in purple and gold;
And the sheen of their spears was like stars on the sea,
When the blue wave rolls nightly on deep Galilee.

Like the leaves of the forest when Summer is green,
That host with their banners at sunset were seen:
Like the leaves of the forest when Autumn hath blown,
That host on the morrow lay withered and strown.

For the Angel of Death spread his wings on the blast,
And breathed in the face of the foe as he passed;
And the eyes of the sleepers waxed deadly and chill,
And their hearts but once heaved, and for ever grew still!

And there lay the steed with his nostril all wide,
But through it there rolled not the breath of his pride;
And the foam of his gasping lay white on the turf,
And cold as the spray of the rock-beating surf.

And there lay the rider distorted and pale,
With the dew on his brow, and the rust on his mail:
And the tents were all silent, the banners alone,
The lances unlifted, the trumpet unblown.

And the widows of Ashur are loud in their wail,
And the idols are broke in the temple of Baal;
And the might of the Gentile, unsmote by the sword,
Hath melted like snow in the glance of the Lord.


O Fortuna

Original
O Fortuna
velut luna
statu variabilis,
semper crescis
aut decrescis;
vita detestabilis
nunc obdurat
et tunc curat
ludo mentis aciem,
egestatem,
potestatem
dissolvit ut glaciem.

Sors immanis
et inanis,
rota tu volubilis,
status malus,
vana salus
semper dissolubilis,
obumbrata
et velata
michi quoque niteris;
nunc per ludum
dorsum nudum
fero tui sceleris.

Sors salutis
et virtutis
michi nunc contraria,
est affectus
et defectus
semper in angaria.
Hac in hora
sine mora
corde pulsum tangite;
quod per sortem
sternit fortem,
mecum omnes plangite!

Translation
O Fortune,
like the moon
you are changeable,
ever waxing
and waning;
hateful life
first oppresses
and then soothes
as fancy takes it;
poverty
and power
it melts them like ice.

Fate – monstrous
and empty,
you whirling wheel,
you are malevolent,
well-being is vain
and always fades to nothing,
shadowed
and veiled
you plague me too;
now through the game
I bring my bare back
to your villainy.

Fate is against me
in health
and virtue,
driven on
and weighted down,
always enslaved.
So at this hour
without delay
pluck the vibrating strings;
since Fate
strikes down the strong man,
everyone weep with me!